Heart Made of Stone

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1090
Reviews 56
Feeling like I'm slammed
up against a wall
with no turning back
Keep pushing till I fall

But pushing against
Brick walls built to last
I'm going nowhere
And I'm getting there fast

The world's closing in
There's no getting out
I can't get no help
Though I scream and I shout

I'm trapped in this place
With no joy and no light
In this place filled with sin
There is no hope in sight

No one can hear me
But I know they are there
When I turn my back
I can feel their stare

I can't stand the thought
Of being alone
So much so that now
My heart's made of stone.
Peepsls on this website ought not to be so hatin against other writers!

It's hella hard just to post your stuff to this place, yo!




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 112
First off, I'd like to say that your signature is great...'specially 'cause it's true. :-P

The poem was vague, and that leaves it very open for personal interpretation. I'm not sure exactly what you meant in some places (especially: "No one can hear me/But I know they are there/When I turn my back/I can feel their stare"), which occasionally isn't bad, but it can be tiresome. Just think about what the reader will get from it. I've written some poems that I'm very proud of but decided not to post here simply because they were too personal. Most people wouldn't have any idea what they were about.

Overall, it was decent. Work on your getting your rhymes to fall into place with your poem, and be careful not to let it happen the other way around.
Am I a one eyed hunter of unicorns or a hunter of one eyed unicorns? The world may never know.




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Gender Female
Points 23425
Reviews 566
"I can't get no help" should be "I can't get any help". "Till" should be until, or "'til". Apart from that, this is good. I like your rhyming scheme, and the overall structure of your poem. It's a little vague, and some of the stanzas seem a little superffluous - they don't really tell us very much new, and I think the poem would benefit from a little more description - I'm left asking how and why you feel this way. Besides that, it's a well-written poem.
Matt.



Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
— Groucho Marx