What heart?

What Heart?

You say to me,
give me your heart.
But why?

Why was I placed on this futile earth,
to live, breath, basically worship you?
How can I give you my heart,
when the first time we kissed,
it jumped out of my chest and into yours?

Is it possible to live without a heart?
It must be.
I'm living proof.

Why should I give you my heart,
when you are just going to write it down as another girl conquered?
How, why?
No lie.

I liked that- The metaphor of how her heart was already his but I didn't get the last part...

Explain it to me please.

umm, well, the person that I'm writing it for wrote down how long that he had been going out with a girl, and stuff like that. I asked him why he did that, he said, so I know which girl I conquered the most. It made me mad. So, yeah.

That was good- send it to him. I liked the metaphors and the imgary. Men don't know how love affects women!

Hmm... Where's the flow? Okay, the lack of the flow didn't really bother me too much. I just had to say it.

To me, the word "basically" sounded somewhat sharp in this. It sort of breaks the poem, if you know what I mean? It should be "I'm a living proof" - just add the article. I think.

I liked the two last lines. "How, why? No lie." It's fun to say. Even though I know it's not fun at all.

Keep writing!
Demeter

i Liked, the bit where you said She'd be another girl conquered reminded me of the New Found Glory, Kiss Me Video, where he makes a tally of the girls he kisses =P

It wasn't that confusing, just really well written =]

It seems like you've mixed modern romance with cliche romance, the modern with the plot and then written it with cliche romantic style, tis tres clever ^.^

Good Work, Eva XxXxX

Thanks Eva. I really didn't really think about it that way.
My day Has Brightened

Wow, catchy and moving. Kinda makes me think twice about girls' feelings.

I would say i see mistakes but i cant find any

Hey! Spamming is just a bad experience for everyone involved...the caps lock and smileys and random babbling have been edited out. Love, your friendly neighborhood mods.

the was wickedly deep man ROCK ON it was so cool i love how u decribed ur hart jumping into him and the other grl thing so kool

I don't know why you say it's confusing. It's intriguing, and detailed. I love how you describe the situation in such detail without ruining the reader's room for imagination.

If you want something to work on to improve this poem or future poems, not that there is much to improve here, but in poems, there is generally a uniform rhythmic mold for each stanza. This becomes more important when you don't use rhymes. I sometimes don't use them in my poetry, but there should be something uniform about each stanza to connect them, and make it less of a story and more of a poem.

I really enjoyed this poem. I just have a few suggestions:

What Heart?

You say to me,
give me your heart.
But why?

Why was I placed on this futile earth, Here, you are asking a question and in the next line giving the answer. I think it would be more appropriate to put the question mark after the first line.
to live, breath, basically worship you? I dislike the word 'basically' here. It interrupts the rest of the poem and seems out of place.
How can I give you my heart,
when the first time we kissed,
it jumped out of my chest and into yours?

Is it possible to live without a heart?
It must be. I think a '--' would be more appropriate here. Two different sentences seems strange to me
I'm living proof.

Why should I give you my heart,
when you are just going to write it down as another girl conquered?
How, why?
No lie. I don't really understand the last two lines. They seem to just be added as a way to wrap up the poem, with no real meaning. After all, they are the only rhyming lines and I can't see any place where they relate to the poem.

Okay, so anyway, the meaning of the poem was good, simple, and to the point. I was hardly confused (just those last two lines). All in all, a good poem. Thanks for the read!

--Cassie

I really liked it it was good,sad I could feel the sadness! But their was one problem it was too short. The longer you write poems the more interesting it is.

it is a good poem until i reached the last stanza and you lost me. I mean if your heart had jumped from your chest to his why would you again ask why should you give it to him??
All in all its good poem i just thought it didn't have a good ending....

That was simply amazing.
While yes it was very sad I loved the imagery and point of the poem.
It's just such a shame that he broke your heart.
Please keep writing.