Friendship (revised)

Friendship is precious, once in a lifetime,
Rarer than rare, gained only by time
Immortal, lasts forever
Even through time, it cannot sever
Never perfect, always tested,
Dark times soon pass, old issues rested.
Some people think all friends are true,
However, you'll only find a few.
If you find a friend who's true,
Pursue that person, she's one in a few

Nice choice of style - it's not common to find poems written like that on YWS, so yours stands out.
I like it, because even though it says all the stuff that is always said about friendship it's still so true.
There's just one line that I have an issue with -

Please, I beg you, stay true, too.

It just doesn't seem to flow and the repetition of true is odd. I'm sure that you can find an alternative that's so much better - I mean there are so many words that rhyme with true.
Apart from that I liked it, so keep writing,
Bkwrm

Ok, thanks for the tip.

I agree with the last post, I like it up until the last few lines where the word "true" seemed to be thrown into my face. Other than that I really liked this.

I like the revised version much better

vet4life13 wrote:Friendship is precious, once in a lifetime,
Rarer than rare, gained only by time
Immortal, lasts forever
Even through time it cannot sever
Never perfect, always tested,
Dark times soon pass, old issues rested.
Some people think all friends are true,
However, you'll only find a few.
If you find a friend who's true,
Perhaps it's best if you come through.

Welcome to YWS. I'm Rick. I hope you enjoy the site as much as we all do. After you get 25 reviews, you can access the YWS chatroom and talk about any work you're doing, ask for crits for anything, ask anyone if they have something they want/need critted, and/or just hang out in and talk about your day. Before you post your own work, you need atleast two crits. And I see that you've done that. Good job. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions/concerns about anything.

Now the crit: I really liked the flow in this. You have amazing rhythm and rhyming too. You do need a comma in one part though. I'll quote it for you and insert it.

Even through time, it cannot sever

Other than that, very good job. Keep up the good work.

-Rick.

Hi!

First of all, I really liked this. I just don't like the last line. It sounds kinda off and doesn't make much sense.

Perhaps it's best if you come through.

I dunno...maybe I'm just not seeing the meaning here, but I think you should state this idea differently.

I also don't agree with the "once in a lifetime". People can have more than one friend, or even best or true friend, can they not? I do agree that having true friendship is rare, but not just once in a lifetime.

Other than that, it was great.

Keep writing,
Timea

Wow I loved this! The reason I was so awed by this was because you managed to pull something off so smoothly that I'm always having trouble with.

The beginning of the poem was great! Near the ending however I wasn't too thrilled.
I've always had difficulties with acrostic poems.

Thy rhyming didn't seem forced and the overall rhythm was awesome! It flowed very nicely.

It's hard to write about Friendship without it seeming cliche but you pulled that off quite decently. It wasn't cliche at all!

Good Job!
-Keep Writing!

I haven't seen an acrostic poem in ages..


This is really good.
It creates a really lovely, positive description of something that is quite often hard to explain.

Like a few other repliers, I am not too keen on the repetition of "true" and think perhaps it would be better if one of them was altered...

Overall, it reads nicely though.

The poem is too plastic it's like i heard it all before but the style that it is written in isn't used much lately, so that you can bring it back is cool. I'm sorry if it's a bad comment the poem just doesn't touch me or captivate. Once again sorry.

The poem is too plastic it's like i heard it all before but the style that it is written in isn't used much lately, so that you can bring it back is cool. I'm sorry if it's a bad comment the poem just doesn't touch me or captivate. Once again sorry.

Hey, it's all good. I appreciate any kind of crit, and besides, everyone has thier own opinion. Thanks!

*claps hands*

Well done!
Bravo!
encore!
encore!

vet4life13 wrote:Friendship is precious, once in a lifetime,
Rarer than rare, gained only by time
Immortal, lasts forever
Even through time, it cannot sever
Never perfect, always tested,
Dark times soon pass, old issues rested.
Some people think all friends are true,
However, you'll only find a few.
If you find a friend who's true,
Pursue that person, she's one in a few

Firstly, kudos on doing a pretty exellent acrostic poem. I don't like how ya bold the letters at beginning, let the reader see, not show it to them. My other issues are 'Even through time, it cannot sever' and repition of true and few. It's off putting, really detracts from the flow. Overall: It a very well done acrostic poem, they're not always incredibly easy, but you managed.

Good luck
VSN
----------------
Listening to: Anti-Flag - Confused Youth
via FoxyTunes

To the reader (me) you don't really seem to know what you are talking about, artificial intelligence in atleast the type of freindship you are trying to express, as if you read a few other poems on freindship and said, "hey! I bet I can do that too... what rhymes with true?" I also don't like lifetime ryhming with time, but hey, that's just me. Better luck next time