The Old Clown

crouching in the corner of a room
blazing unblinking eyes
thinking lotta how to be known
and start throwing the ball

here's the outcome
my sober laugh

they never realize for who am i
they never realize for wat i try
they never realize why i cry
they never care even when i die
they nver care even where would i ly

learn to walked pathway
hope the spotlight back for me
with smile drawn on my face
let they come see me

but here i am
the old clown of all man





wat do u think bout this?i need critics

This has the makings of a great poem, and the concept is interesting. It's just the grammer and punctuation which lets it down, so I would work on that.

Good job though.

There are alot of things happen-ing in the first stanza, but I can't see where it's going. The repetition in the third stanza annoyed me after a few lines because it's all common rhymes that don't demonstrate an attempt to think outside the box [side note: unless you're trying to make a point, proper spelling is helpful in not putting people off to your poem]. The fourth stanza confuses me; I'm not sure what's happening. Interesting concept, but the execution could use some spiffing up.

PM me if you have any questions,
-Amelia

This was really... well... I don't know what it was, but whatever it is there's a lot of it.

Point-by-point time!

- Take it out of either the bold or the italics. It makes it too hard to read; too in-your-face. (And not in a good way.)

- Capitalize your "I"s. It's sloppy and juvenile to have everything in lowercase.

- Reread and see if you can find the spelling errors. (Hint: "Ly" is not a word. Neither is "nver".)

- "thinking lotta how to be known" makes no sense whatsoever. What are you trying to say?

Peace, love, chocolate,
Muffin

thinking lotta how to be known

That line doesn't make any sense at all to me. I had to read the poem a few times to really even understand what was going on. Grammar needs a little bit of work. The stanzas don't really tie together, it feels like a bunch of different ideas all crammed into one piece. The title also confused me. I do like your repetition in the 3rd stanza, though.