why?

why am I here?
why can't I move on?
Why is everything I need
So desperately far away?

Why am I sitting here
alone by myself
wondering why
I am this way?

Why can't I move on
from the horrors of my past
Why does it keep dragging me down,
harboring me from living my life?

I know I can't change the past
the reasons that I'm this way
that just makes life
all the more unfair

Why am I like this?
Always stumbling around blindly
no way to get back on track
so far away from the end.

Just something about my life. Nothing special, really.
Critiques welcome!

I didn't really like this poem much because all it is, is questions. Sure, I'm not saying it;s bad to put questions into a poem; I like that in a way because it connects the author to the reader a little better, but in this case, there was just too many and you didn;t answer any of them. In most poems, a question is asked and then answered with a nice descriptive image for the reader, but this; had no imagery.

The structure was okay actually but the flow and rythm weren't really present, and that was a major disappointment. Also, I'm not a large fan of poems that are depressing - but this is just personal preference.

Hmm... I agree with GingerLizzy. The repeated question after question is a bad way to write an entire poem. Questions are good, but don't over-do it.

Also, I didn't much like the ending because it was so abrupt... it seems like it needs something more there.

Anyways, keep writing. It seems like you have the inspiration, you just need a push in the right direction.

--Quippie

I agree with the other two. this poem doesn't do anything for me. It asks questions, that's it. And it is not like they are even unique questions, they are one's everyone asks.

I don't intend to be mean but its true. If you insist on asking questions, make them more interesting and original.

And if you insist that you have a question, stick to one per poem, go in depth with it, but not to the point it is absurd. And well make it poetic, instead of a rant. Smooth over the edges so they aren't so jagged, like the end of the poem.

Hope it was constructive,
K.Bree

okay, just to put it into clarification, the questions were the point of the poem. Thats kind of why the poem title was a question. My point in putting the question wasn't "why-this-" you know what I'm saying? The title of the poem was "why" and it was supposed to be broad and stuff.
I'm not, however, taking your critisisms into offense. To GingerLizzy: the poem wasn't meant to be depressing. It was just how I am feeling at the present time so I wrote it out. My friend was actually the one who asked that I post it on here. I didn't even really want to share it because I don't like sharing a lot of things about myself.
Thank you GingerLizzy, I will work on the rhythm of the poem! Thanks for your critiques!

Umm, sorry to break it to you but there's nothing in this poem that we haven't all heard fifteen times already, in various forms. If you want to make this better, individual, add something that's not depressed why-am-I-here type thing.

That sounded really mean. I'm sorry. And if this is your life I hope things start looking up but a fact of life is that persona.l experiences rarely make good poetry because you're kind of biased about the whole thing. Take a step back and think about it. Maybe write it from your mother's point of view, or your best friend. I think it'll make this cliche-ridden poem way better.

Good luck. If you get around to redoing it, PM me.

Aussie

(This has nothing to do with the poem: Is a "Quick Reply" a review? Just testing.)

I actually enjoyed this. I liked the fact that it was all in questions; it's different. I don't mind the fact that you don't answer them, for after all, not all of life's questions can be answered! On a 1 to 10 scale, I give this a 9.

I definitely think that questions belong in poetry, answered or not. I do not think that that is the issue here. The issue is that all these questions have been asked before in the same way, and it is hard to see some of your unique-er words and thoughts beneath that.

I think the questions you asked were good questions, but I think it would add to the poem if you described what each of these questions feel like. Personally, I think some metaphor would really flesh out this poem. Or maybe describe how each question effects you emotionally. Either way, I think the poem needs some balance: you have good questions, just add other good things that apply to the questions. This will make it more enjoyable for the reader as well, and you don't have to get rid of any of your questions.

It did feel a touch cliched. The questions are good, but they've been done before.

A question poem! [I think someone wrote an article about this actually; let me know if you would like me to hunt it down for you]. I don't really care for this poem. The fact that there are questions is fine by me, what stopped me though was the way the questions were phrased. They seemed to float on the surface of what you could have discussed instead of taking one more step and remaining questions, yes, but directing possible answers as well. And then at some points it seemed like there were questions for the sake of having questions; lines like "why am I like this?" for example, you don't need the question if you're going to state the answer immediately afterwards.

OK, just for clarification, this is not a "why am I here" type of poem. This poem is a "why has almost everything imaginable happen to me" type poem. the questions do not ask why am I here, for instance. I know why I am here. So I am not asking that. I am asking a lot of questions, yes, and I know its a touch cliched, I didn't want to make it sound like it applied wholly to me.
If you want imagery, I could give you imagery, but you would probably be repulsed by the morbidness of it. It wasn't because I had no imagery, it was because the imagery that I would have put in was unbelievably morbid. Yes, lots of things have happened to me. But if you want to say "give me the imagery anyways" send me a PM because I'm not just going to post my life up on a forum. Just clarifying here. Don't take offense, I'm not taking offense, I'm just expressing what I meant the poem to be. If it didnt turn out the way you would expect, I'm sorry.

(by the way, I'm not emo, so please don't send and comments about how emo I sound) thank you!

Well, I think using questions in a poem can turn out really great, depending on how you do it. There wasn't much depth, and I felt no emotion at all whatsoever when i read this. Try empasizing each question, or the more important ones, to make it sound more poetic, and deep. Just a suggestion!

~Merry Writing!~
Bells