Simple yet with a hidden meaning. I can't really comment or make any criticisms it's too short to do that. All I can say is that it's very similar to prose. You could pretty much read the lines as a single paragraph and it would make sense.
I like your use of refuge, I don't really know why - it sort of suits the poem.
Sing we for joy and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having. -- Ezra Pound
Let me see... Well I have to admit that it's a little short but it has a nice beat to it and the words flow together well. Simple and meaningful. Very good =)
Okay, this is going to sound enormously stupid, but... I'm not sure if I get it. Again, stupid. HEY I'M JUST A FRICKIN KID! GIMME A BREAK!! oh, sorry, the voices were yell- nevermind.
There's nothing to criticize you on because it was so short. Maybe make it longer? Either way, it had a nice flow.
I liked the shortness of this poem. There was definetly a hidden message in here somewhere that will take a while to crack.
I think you made great word choices with the "skewed" and "refuge."
I think it was brillaitn x]
~ferris AKA Tara~
“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”
It was very short but I think that was what made it so good.
I think I got the hidden message but i'm not so sure. I don't think you should tell people what it means because is more mysterious and flexible if people make their own minds up.
I agree Save- Ferris the use of the words skewed and refuge made it unique.
I have to say, i love it jasmine.
My suggestion for the title is,
Refuge but i havn't really thought too hard.
Charlotte
I liek this. At first I thought it was haiku then after some headbanging I remembered Haiku has less lines (I think). Its a bit too short to crittique really but I think that if you gave it a good title, it should complete it perfectly.
Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus. — Enid Bagnold