Young Writers Society

I stand alone,
My bag rubbing against my back,
my hair flying infront of my face,
My legs weak,
My heart thumping,
My breathing beating,
Envy piled onto of me,
No-one would fill me with such pain,
Nor such desire,
Though I will no more get bullied,
Though I would no more get hurt,
My feelings means nothing,
Nor does this poem.

Well, I don't think this poem lacked meaning, in fact, I thought it was really good...I really enjoyed it actually. I just think you should probably like, add another stanza or two and it'll be a lot better. Either way, it was a good poem and I liked it.

Hey thanx, but my work is no way NEAR as good as yours. Im glad you liked it Im normally rubbish at poems.

Emma wrote:Hey thanx, but my work is no way NEAR as good as yours. Im glad you liked it Im normally rubbish at poems.

OMG...I am flattered...you made my day! But you're a good poet too...don't talk about your stuff...it just takes a lot of practice and critiquing.

A poem without meaning?! But this was one of the most meaningful poems I ever read!

If you don't know the meaning, I'll just take a wild guess, its what you feel, what you want, and all the things you go through trying to get/do something.

Well, anyway, it was a really good poem, not great, but pretty decent. The shortness made me stick to reading it and the flow was great. Very good poem.

Wow, this is like... amazing.

Seriously, I was expecting critz. I thought I couldn't do poems... Oh well.

THANXS.

my hair flying infront of my face,

Maybe 'flying out in front of my face.'

My breathing beating,

Too many ing words. My breath beating sounds better.

Envy piled onto of me,

Great personification!

Though I will no more get bullied,
Though I would no more get hurt,

Its choppy... Maybe 'though i will get bullied no more, and i will not get hurt.' You went from future to past...

My feelings means nothing,
Nor does this poem.

my feelings mean nothing (no s)


Despite my crit, I loved it. Very well written, your best yet!

Thank you, when I try to make my next poem which be like soon, someday... I will remember to take those into considaration.

It seemed meaningful to me, actaully very meaningful. Actually VERY VERY meaningful!! It was great! I loved it.

Great Emma, you won't get a lot of critz for this because it's so good!

Ur poem was good but it lacked monkies hehe lol im HYPER no ur poem was good