Indian Scalps

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
The old man breaks bark off of the tree that's
stood solitary between fence posts for three months -
he waters grasses that have turned a sickly green,
running printless fingers over a spring-wind-scarred scalp.

Young spirits shy from the marrows of wood,
pressing their footprints into battle dust,
ears sharp, collecting the caws of castrated crows
as they meet in the spindles of nude oaks and
forests festering in tar.

This old man washes his windows of winter,
leaves warnings to die in chimneys,
allowing naivety to scrape the brickwork -
spring cleaning, open the flue and
burn the corpses.

Things rot quicker in the warmth.
Carpe Diem.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1000
Reviews 50
I know what this story is based on, I am guessing an hindu priest? That said I am not really sure what you are trying to say with this poem, whether it's supposed to portray an emotion or just describe a scene. It seems to me like one of those pictures they have in the frame when you buy them, beautiful though it might be they have no true feeling behind them.
"Look in the mirror and what do you see? A shallow reflection that means nothing to me"




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4890
Reviews 516
I really liked this! Very descriptive and great meaning and imagery. The only part that I didn't understand was when you said the grass turned a sickly green. It's just awkward because grass is supposed to be green and is usally described as something more tateful, though I'm probably missing the true meaning here...I'd love to know what it is. Lol. Great job on this.

Keep it up!
~Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 30
this is so cool. its beutiful how mysterious it is!!
The Best
And Most Beutiful Things,
Cannot Be Seen Or Even Touched.
-----------------------------------------




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5890
Reviews 440
I must say, darling, the title did not exactly draw me in, but the last poem of yours I read was so delicious that I decided to give this one a try--and found that I like it! Not as much as the other (title eludes me, I'm sorry) but still, very good. I enjoy your style a great deal, and your use of alliteration especially stands out in this poem. Keep it up, darling!
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1065
Reviews 16
Excellent word painting. I loved the line

Young spirits shy from the marrows of wood,
pressing their footprints into battle dust

Amazing :!:

As I read this I am there!!!! I can feel and imagine them.
----

~ayman~ :smt039
"Expect happiness, do not expect miser."
-Dr. Aa'id Al-Qarni

"The hero is the one who goes beyond his ability to improve
his skills, until he becomes able to improve, and perhaps even
alter, the skills of others."
-Enjoy Your Life




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15961
Reviews 661
The imagery in this is really vivid and beautiful.Your enjambment is perfect, and your alliteration is great.I love "printless finger".In the last stanza,I think the fourth line jars a little. It just doesn't feel like a full line to me. I wish I could explain this better...
The final line was brilliant, and I loved how you isolated it as it really strengthend its power.
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou



There is nothing more radical or counter-cultural, at the moment, than laying down one’s cynicism in favour of tender vulnerability.
— John Green