making cupid proud - ghazal

I miss that being who writes ghazals and trains them together with string
doesn't look at us mere mortals, hides in a cape trailing strings --

A light-footed nightingale, drawing caged viridian magpies from Beijing
finds her subjects transformed to paper, disappeared, the living strangled in string --

He plays this table of punctured lungs as a glass bead game, tallying healthy failures as a king
at mancala. Stones clink, hot air props up your delicate chin. That death-glance pulls heartstrings.

Sing, low porch door, fight the ragweed until your loneliness sings
out a sunset in Armstrong brass, the gypsy bow on violin strings.

I propagate arrow wounds in the unsuspecting public. The lack of poison stings
as the lack of human gravity, but I make them swing together, I tie them close with string.

I'm not sure if the line-length 'negotiation' you did in the last stanza fits in with true 'ghazals', but it worked as far as this piece goes.

Oh, and props for the mancala reference. That entire line was poetically nostalgic, while still remaining it's own meaning and freshness. And that's a cool thing to be able to do.

Propagating arrow wounds? In an unsuspecting public? Sounds like fun. I really should try it sometime... Oh yeah, and it was used wonderfully in this poem :p

Overall-- great. There are no major issues to speak of, and your sting-of-pearls tie in was well done (something I really need practice in).

4 anda half gold stickers for...hmm...I'm not sure what to call you now. Isis seems out of place. and 'Euclid' just sounds silly (though pretty sweet). Bridgett? Doubtful I spelled that right... Well, Bridget/Euclid for now, then.

[w00t for rambling]



EDIT-- I just noticed the title. Nice tie-in, that is.

I appreciate the crit, Ed. :] (ps: life gets easier if you just call me B.) I just realized I made a mistake with the second-to-last line, the break is supposed to be after "stings". Urg. Thanks for catching that.

I think ghazals need more love - the string of pearls aim can be hard, but it prompts a writer to work in images and consider a subject from different angles...both of which are useful, especially for those learning.

Hey! Good job! I don't know if this was a poem or like some statement though. And maybe also a little more punctuation. I don't know but good job keep it up

Wow, I had no idea what his style of poetry was before I read this but you inspired me to look it up and tomorrow I'm going to attempt this style myself. I really wish I could offer up some sort of critique for this, but...I can't really find any other words to say but wow.