Can Anyone Hear Me?

Please, tell me that somebody's out there
And that my cries do not go unheard
Because my voice is getting weak
From all the screaming that I've done
And I don't know if I can go on

I know life can't be changed if we don't live it
But it's so hard to go through each day
When it feels like you're always falling
Always ending up on the floor, crawling
And you can't even remember how to stand

I've been doing my best every moment
And as usual, it's not good enough
My laughter is less and less frequent
And my smiles are more and more fake
The only thing that seems genuine tonight are my tears

It's impossible to do this myself
I'm not even sure why I'm still trying
The burden has become far too heavy
These dark nights too often occur
I'm tired of all this and I want it to end

Please tell me that somebody's out there
Please tell me that somebody hears me

Mah-velous, absolutely mahvelous!

I liked most of it, except for thsi one little line:

Always ending up on the floor, crawling

You probably could get away with deleting this, or you could edit, but any way I can think of to chsnge it sounds way cliche. So if you have better ideas, great. Otherwise, it's really awkward and you should get rid of it.

And I don't like the commas in the last two lines. Commas signify a pause. Read it out loud and see if a pause makes any sense there.

Otherwise, I love it!

Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed it...

It's really good. I especially admire the way you managed to convey a sense of growing hopelessness while trying to put on a happy face for the world while hurting on the inside. Many people feel that way, but very few are able to express it as well as you did. Great job.

Hey, I don't know how old this is, but here I am.

Your poem made me cry the first time I read it. It really, really hit home for me. I love the images, the emotions, everything.

So sad, and so what I feel sometimes. It also seems really heartfealt.

Thanks for listening to me rant...

I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

It's not that old and anyways... who said there was a rule against responding to a piece months after it was posted?

arieda07 wrote:Many people feel that way, but very few are able to express it as well as you did. Great job.

Thanks so much.

Hey i really liked your poem...it reminded me of a lot of mine