nameless whisper

Nameless whisper
_______________

Am I just nothing?
A shadow
A flicker of light
Shining Bright
Then being put out
These days it feels as though
I'm just a nameless whisper
In the night

Nameless
Shapeless
No life
Everyone just passes me by
No lies

This nothing wants to be heard
But I am
Just a whisper
a ghostly presence
Doomed to wander these empty
Halls of society
I am at the bottom of the pit
Low as I can go

Nameless
Shapeless
No life
Everyone just passes me by
No lies


I've had enough
Why can't I just reach out
Shout loud
make everyone hear me
Can't they see
how I'm more than a nameless whisper

Nameless
Whisper
Shapeless
Lonly whisper
No life
Everyone passes be by
No lie
Lonly whisper of
the night

This is good. The only thing I notice about it is that some bits seem a bit random. It kinda' broke my line of thought. But maybe that's the feeling your trying to convey. Haven't a clue. Great poem.

Well...I porbably (spelling?) should have put it in lyrics but I like it as a poem better. But thank you for the positive review!

I actually liked the randomness. I think that was well done.

But, as expected...I have some issues for you!

First and foremost, punctuation is a must.

Am I just nothing?
A shadow
A flicker of light
Shining Bright
Then being put out

First, I just can't wrap my head around this part of the first stanza. You are saying that you are nothing...but then saying that you are a flicker of light...that is shining bright? I think it just contradicts itself. But I do like the rhyme between light and night, it ties it together.

Nameless
Shapeless
No life
Everyone just passes me by
No lies

Here you have all these little short statement lines, and then a random long one. It throws it off and makes you stumble when reading it.

This nothing wants to be heard
But I am
Just a whisper
a ghostly presence
Doomed to wander these empty
Halls of society
I am at the bottom of the pit
Low as I can go

I think that because your first line is long and actually have an ending, the bolded section would sound better in one line instead of two.

I've had enough
Why can't I just reach out
Shout loud
make everyone hear me
Can't they see
how I'm more than a nameless whisper

I would remove 'how' at the beginning of the last line here, or at least make that line two lines.

Nameless
Whisper
Shapeless
Lonly whisper
No life
Everyone passes be by
No lie
Lonly whisper of
the night

First, I'd spell check this. Also, your first set of lines and your second set of lines are really two complete thoughts, and they kind of sound funny if you split them up into four lines. And of course the random line that I already suggested removing...

But, I do like the random thoughts--it leaves loose ends but still ties them together. Just a few thoughts from my crazy head to help you out!

Thank you for the tips! It was going to be a song and I had a tune but I have forgotton it..........
But thank you!