Young Writers Society

It was supposed to be
a picture in the sunset
two hands in public
laughter and silence
hushed voices in
the dark at
nowhere o'clock

you did not want
this bed this light
here in this
anonymous hotel
room at 2 oh 4
in the afternoon
with five minutes
left and that distance
on the sheets

but where you wanted
love you got instead
something easier
where you wanted
warmth you received
damp dark heat
you needed beauty
you got truth instead
you wanted me
and this is
what you get.

I liked it, it was very, very deep and the description was great. I could see what was happening. I loved how you turned such a simple thing into a great poem, keep writing!

Wow. That was misleadingly good. At first I began reading and thought it was nothing new, but then I got into it and read a few more times and realised it was actually really good. Some of the lines are very good and the run on lines give a good rhythm and pace.

Very beutiful. It flowed very nicely. The subject was a little confusing but I still unterstood it.