No More Movies For Me

Dedicated to Alex, Colton, and Greg, who, once again, didn't invite me to the movies because they're stupid, iggnorant, and grudgy.

Hope your period gets off soon so we can talk, boys!

As for the rest of you: Nobody has read anything of mine. Do people WANT me to stay? Fix this.

No More Movies For Me
by Elizabeth Mathers
3-31-06

I’m at the age where hanging around with friends
is just some “decent” excuse to get away, but
I cannot ever get away, thanks to you

What happened to us as a group?
Once we roamed the hallways together,
we sat an ate lunch together and laughed,
But am I apart of your outside lives?
When was the last time you hung out with me?

When was the last time you saw a movie?
When was the last time you saw one with me?
Well I can’t remember, because you’re always going
To see brand new releases without me and then I find out
Thirty minutes too late that the show has started and you’re gone

Therefore, when I want to see a movie and you guys reply
“Oh, no sorry we already seen it,” [because you probably did]
Next thing I know you’re re-seeing it over and over again
Without me being there to watch too
Laughing or screaming, with popcorn breath and soda bladders …

Last thing I need is you wasting my time
Last thing I want is to feel left out again
I thought that making new friends and keeping the old
Meant still hanging out, and not having to think
About the funerals of my old friends.

Take our friendship and shove it, turn it into a movie
This will be the last time I speak about it aymore
No more movies for me

awwwwwwwwwww


I"m sorry. I totaly know how you feel.

I'm sorry for you Liz just trust me you'll meet better people love you.

I’m at the age where hanging around with friends
I some sort of “decent” excuse to get away
I cannot ever get away, thank you

"I some"? This is missing a word somewhere. Your line transitions are poor - what are the relations between the lines? Poetry isn't just fitting disjointed phrases under each other - there has to be a relation, a continuity somewhere, for it to read well. At the moment this is bumpy and makes little sense.

The same applies to the second stanza. Also, "apart" should be "a part".

In my opinion, questions are a weak way of expressing emotions. It makes the poem seem flimsy and without substance. Instead of: "When was the last time you saw a movie?/
When was the last time you saw one with me?" consider a more direct approach, that is demanding and is fuelled by your anger - "The last time you saw a movie/there were hundreds of seats/but none were for me." This is just an example. I'm not writing your poem for you, but I think you can appreciate how this can work better - it has more subtlety, more hidden meanings, and doesn't spell it out for the reader. The last three lines of the third stanza are pretty much superfluour - they just repeat what you've already said.

In general, that's another problem with this piece. You simply repeat something you've already said over and over, to the point where it puts me off from reading it anymore. I get it - they don't invite you to movies. Don't flog the idea to shreds. Find different angles to express it from.

However, on a positive note ...

Last thing I need is you wasting my time
Last thing I want is to feel left out again
I thought that making new friends and keeping the old
Meant still hanging out, and not having to think
About the funerals of my old friends.

This is much better. Good use of parallelism in the first two lines, it works well. I like "funerals of my old friends," I think that conjures a good image. Why not work with the death image some more? You could talk about graveyards etc. It could work well.

But then ...

I would go to the movies with my boyfriend anyday
I would have dates if I could.
And before I know it my boyfriend is out of country
And all I want is somebody to hang out with…
Yet I can see that isn’t going to happen [thanks a lot you guys]

Cut this stanza. It kills the poem.

However, the last stanza almost redeems itself. It has some potential.

Take our friendship and shove it, turn it into a movie
This will be the last time I speak about it aymore
No more movies for me

"Turn it into a movie" is great, but you need to expand this idea. Why not reference more movie terminology? E.g. scenes, cut etc. It could be cool. That's another theme you could have ran through your poem. Also, "aymore" should be "anymore."

This has potential. As a first draft, it has the ideas on the paper but not the proper construction. Work with the good ideas you have and expand them and fit them together carefully. I'd like to see what you did with this from now.

Firestarter got most of the corrections I was going to make as far as spelling goes. I think on the "I some", you meant "In some" (type-o, probably ). I liked how you got your point across, but at the same time, it felt kind of choppy. The term "show, not tell" applies a little bit here as well. I would like to say I'm sorry this is happening to you, too. That's hard to go through. Be strong. Keep writing.

-*-*--Diana--*-*-

Here's the edited one...

No More Movies For Me
by Elizabeth Mathers
4-2-06

I’m at the age where hanging around with friends
is just an excuse to get away from chores and home, but
I cannot ever get out my front door, because I have no ride
Nobody to walk with, nobody around me

What happened to us as a group?
At school, we roamed the hallways together,
we sat and ate lunch together and laughed,
but am I apart of your outside lives?
When was the last time you hung out with me?

When was the last time you took into consideration,
As I sat there alone with just my internet,
That I might have wanted to go to a movie
And sit in one of the unoccupied chairs, giggling at previews:
Or am I categorized as the genre of unimportant?

I can remember you guys are always ditching me
to see brand new releases and then I find out
Thirty minutes too late from somebody you told earlier
And I already know that the show has started,
Thanks for leaving me to rot in my coffin of a life, closed and lonely.

However, when I want to see a movie, you guys reply
“Oh, no sorry we already seen it,” [because you probably did]
Next thing I know you’re re-seeing it over and over again
Laughing or screaming, with popcorn breath and soda bladders
Knowing in the back of your minds that I’m not there, but not caring

Last thing I need is you wasting my time
Last thing I want is to feel left out again
I thought that making new friends and keeping the old
Meant still hanging out, and not having to think
About the funerals of my old friends.

You leave me to walk into the cemetery of tomorrow
Hoping that I’ll find my way out of solitude and find you
Waiting for me outside the theater with tickets at hand
One can only dream

Take our friendship and shove it, turn it into a movie
Bend the truth around and around your little manipulative fingers
Stretch the setting to actually graveyards and watch me lie in a tomb
Waiting for the lid to close and to haunt you forever
Will know you know this is the last time I speak to you.
Now I truely know there are no more movies for me

Better.

I was hoping you would return. *Draws you in*

This is extremely picky but I think that this line:

About the funerals of my old friends.

Might need changing. Why? Because when I was reading it all I could think of was Funeral For A Friend, by Elton John, and while I love that song very much, it just didn't seem to fit. There. Told you it was picky. Maybe not many people are familiar with the song nowadays. If so then it's fine. But if I'm not the only one upset by the wording, then maybe you should look into changing it. It's poetic, but it has already been used in almost the same wording in a piece of very famous literature (the words to Funeral for a Friend. duh!).

So, um, yeaaa.... I feel so cruel. This probably isn't as big a deal as I am making it out to be. I just love that song so much I couldn't get past the fact that you not only have a similiar phrase in your poem, but that I think the wording on the song is much more poetic (the "for" instead of "of").

Just to get it over with now: yes, Elton John is gay. But he is still an amazing musician. Deal with it you homophobes.