The suicide speaks

The suicide speaks

My time is comming...
I can't take it anymore!
The pain, the mysery,
the agony the lonelyness

My time is now...
Don't tell me your sorry
It's too late now
The wounds can no longer be healed

My time is fading...
I'll try to go unoticed
This one goes out to all the people who hurt me and teased me
How could you have done this to me?

Goodbye cruel world
You have spat me out
I have come to a decision...
My time is gone

Firstly, I'd like to forewarn you that I have a bias against suicide poems.
Okay, now, this seemed really... normal, resembling all the other suicide poems I've read. You didn't present anything new to me, didn't paint any pictures in my head. Therefore, this seemed... dull. I could tell there was a strong emotion behind this, but your words did not pump this through; your words just explained the incident and a few reasons why. They didn't break my heart, encourage me, touch me, give me a new revelation or send me away seeing anything in a different light.
Work on this; analyze your thoughts and think of clever ways to demonstrate them. Utilize imagery, symbolism, all those wonderful things and work on word choice. This language has granted us with some beautiful words; don't be afraid to use them.
Besides the above, I have a few other comments...

The pain, the mysery,
the agony the lonelyness

Sorry, but spelling is my pet peeve and so I had to point out that 'lonelyness' is 'loneliness' and 'mysery' is 'misery' unless you were trying to say 'mystery' (but that doesn't make as much sense...)

Don't tell me your sorry

Don't tell me YOU'RE sorry. You're here is a contraction not a possessive

I'll try to go unoticed

'Unoticed' is 'unnoticed' and I know you can find some better word choice than 'go'


However, I really liked how you started each of the beginning three stanzas.
You say:
My time is coming (no double M here)
My time is now
My time is fading
(and at the end of the last stanza) My time is gone

I really liked that sequence, very beautifully done. Keep such devices in mind when you write other poems.
I think you can really improve from this. I know you can improve. This was a decent beginning. Great effort and beautiful flow of your stanzas. Please keep writing; I look forward to reading more of your work.

It occoured to me that people this young (people at ALL) shouldn't be writing suicide stuff.... which is why I probably won't... I didn't really like this... no creative metaphors, in my opinoin, cliche (which is cliche). yeah... nothing more.

To be grammatically correct and have all the words spelled correctly, your poem would look like this (I know Writersdomain got some of them):

My time is coming...
I can't take it anymore!
The pain, the mysery,
The agony, the lonelyness

My time is now...
Don't tell me your sorry
It's too late now
The wounds can no longer be healed

My time is fading...
I'll try to go unnoticed
This one goes out to all the people who hurt me and teased me
How could you have done this to me?

Goodbye, cruel world
You have spat me out
I have come to a decision...
My time is gone


I don't like suicide poems at all (which makes me wonder why I clicked on this topic...ha ha), but this was really, well, boring, even for a suicide poem. Pick something happier and something you feel more strongly about to write about next time.

Thank you, and have a nice day.
-*-*--Diana--*-*-

I don't mean to be rude but I didn't really like this poem. It's seems below average, like something that was forced out instead of letting it flow out of your feelings. It had no emotion. But unlike a lot of people i'm not going to say it's because of your age. But hey, let this be a lesson, don't white about suicide. Unless it's truly in your feelings. Otherwise it could come out wrong because you don't know what it's really like to go through that to actually explain the feelings.


P.S. If you are feeling things about suicide, then ignore what i said about not writing about