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Young Writers Society


Valentine's Day (edited)



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24 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 24
Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:05 pm
randy says...



To call you,
Just to say sorry.
Forgive me,
In return for a smile.
Maybe you can hug me,
Or give a kiss.
I wouldn’t mind.

Stay friends?
I wouldn’t mind.
Wasted Wednesdays and gone Mondays.
Losing poker can be our hobby.

Whatever happens,
It’ll be alright.
We won’t be alone forever.
I’ll find a girl,
You’ll find a man.
Not in time for Valentine’s Day,
But that’s nonsense anyway.
Why pick only one day to love?

So, yeah, it's about a girl. I wrote it after I got shot down about twenty times in one night. Who watches a romantic comedy with someone you don't have any interest in? I mean, srrsly...

__________________


I edited this a bit. I think it's a little better, please lemme know whatcha think. Thanks!

Calling on you
For forgiveness.
The lost apology
Never reaches your ear.
In my head,
We’re smiling and kissing;
Dancing ‘til we die.

Stay friends?
I wouldn’t mind.
Wasted Wednesdays
Gone Mondays,
And losing poker as our hobby.

Whatever happens,
We won’t be alone forever.
I’ll find a girl,
You’ll find a man.
Not in time for Valentine’s Day,
But that’s nonsense anyway.
Why pick only one day to love?
Last edited by randy on Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:55 am, edited 2 times in total.
Bibamus, morturande est.
  





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66 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
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Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:50 am
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Doubt says...



randy wrote:To call you,
Just to say sorry.
Forgive me,
In return for a smile.
Maybe you can hug me,
Or give a kiss.
I wouldn’t mind.

Stay friends?
I wouldn’t mind.
Wasted Wednesdays and gone Mondays.
Losing poker can be our hobby.

Whatever happens,
It’ll be alright.
We won’t be alone forever.
I’ll find a girl,
You’ll find a man.
Not in time for Valentine’s Day,
But that’s nonsense anyway.
Why pick only one day to love?

So, yeah, it's about a girl. I wrote it after I got shot down about twenty times in one night. Who watches a romantic comedy with someone you don't have any interest in? I mean, srrsly...


I loved it. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic myself :lol: .
I really liked this: "Wasted Wednesdays and gone Mondays.
Losing poker can be our hobby."
Keep up the good work. :thumb:
Cuz I'm praying for rain and I'm praying for tidal waves.
I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down.
  





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Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:16 am
Elizabeth says...



Heh, this was pretty. You express Valentines day the way I express Christmas: in a negative way.
Oh, how lovely will this be?

At least, even though you'll have an odd Valentines day, I will too.

My favorite part was:

But that’s nonsense anyway.
Why pick only one day to love?
  





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Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:43 pm
randy says...



Thanks a lot for the feedback!
Bibamus, morturande est.
  





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Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:05 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



"Why pick only one day to love? "
Loved that line. So true. Loved the whole of the last stanza, in fact. Can't find anything negative to say about it-I bet a lot of people can relate to this.
Matt.

Got Tumblr? Me too! http://www.writersam.co.uk

Peeking Cat Poetry Magazine is accepting submissions! http://peekingcatpoetrymagazine.blogspot.co.uk
  





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Reviews: 85
Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:40 pm
Chanson says...



This is just so pretty and simple...I've been wasting around, reading poems and finding I have nothing to say about any of them. But I really liekd this - especially, as Matt said, the last line.
"And Matt Muir. Matt Muir, he's the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It's like the first time I heard the Beatles" Superbad
  





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Points: 1507
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Mon Jan 30, 2006 6:27 pm
Sophie says...



I liked the "Wasted Wednesdays" bit
But I agree with everyone that the "Why pick only one day to love?" bit is classic. Don't mind if I use that do you?

The rest of the poem was ok, but I feel it wasn't as amazing as it could have been.
Oh the trees!
Take me back to London please!!!
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 890
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:56 am
randy says...



A horrible, terrible, disgusting, although shameless bump so that people see the edit.

Thanks for the comments! :):):)
Bibamus, morturande est.
  





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Wed Feb 08, 2006 2:32 am
HereAndNow says...



Good Job. I liked the second one better!
The moment you feel like giving up,
R E M E M B E R all the reasons you held on for so long...
  





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Wed Feb 08, 2006 6:02 pm
-KayJuran- says...



wow the shameless bump worked. this is great, though i much prefer the second one. here are my favourite bits:

Stay friends?
I wouldn’t mind.


and as so many people have already said:

Not in time for Valentine’s Day,
But that’s nonsense anyway.
Why pick only one day to love?


sorry had to put that one in. ;)

i like how this poem manages to speak about relationships, even about love, but without seeming overly mushy. lol

~KayJuran~
  








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— tatteredbones