The Best for Last

I slowly sat in your warm lap
and played with your shirt collar.
You entwined your fingers with mine
knowing our deadline was near.
"I love you, you know," you acknowledged.
I knew I was dying and becoming an Angel
so I started crying uncontrollably.
You hugged me lovingly and comfortingly.
"I have always loved you," I replied,
wishing I could spend every moment with you.
I pressed my head against your chest.
This was by far my hardest Angel challenge.
Your tears fell on my brunette hair.
I raised my leaf green eyes up to yours,
wishing I could stare into those eyes forever.
You gently pressed your lips against mine,
sending subtle chills through my body.
I felt my body drift away from reality,
and white wings slowly grew from my back.
With a love so strong, passionate, and huge,
I realized you had saved the best first kiss for last.

***Note to reader: this is my first poem. I'm just giving it a try . If it's not any good, feel free to let me know.

Hi there. I'm not the best at reviewing poetry, but I'll try.
I don't really like your rhyme scheme. It seems kinda...childish? I don't know, but it doesn't fit. Some of your rhyme's sounded forced. Besides, not all poems have to rhyme.
I'm not quite sure if I understand what this poem is about. At the beginning you make it seem like she's going to die, and them she's becoming an angel? It was extremely confusing.
Hope I helped. Keep writing!

~Danie

Hey Leanna! So for your first crack at poetry, it's not all that bad, but I can see that you're a story writer just by the way you write. What your poem is lacking is poetic devices, examples that paint a picture for the reader. You're trying to tell the reader a story, instead of expressing a feeling, if you get what I mean.

Next time try using more poetic language, and read a bunch of poetry, that's the best way I find to improve is study .

Good luck and keep writing!

Where did you get the idea for this poem?? I can't help but wonder because your hair isn't brown....it's more like a dirty blond. Well, is it you and a guy I guess is what I'm asking lol:D ~C.C.

''my leaf green eyes '' thats very pretty. Not the absolute best but i liked it, good job for your first poem keep it up