Sydney

Sydney
By: Zachary Miles

She is a beautiful sunrise at the start of a great day,
A great night at the fair with good friends,
An oasis of care in a desert of hate.
She is a warm summer night that you wish will never end,
A soft bed in a life of full of stress,
A gentle lake, consistently placid in a forest of chaos.
She is a priceless work of art,
A light in the darkness,
A save haven in a world of fear.
She is love.
Her name is Sydney
And she’s my best friend.

This should probably be in lyric, I know, but I don't feel like taking it down again and re-posting it.. again.

Hey there!

This is a beautiful poem. I'm not a poetic expert...trust me. I didn't really find anything bad about it. I seriously thought it was gorgeous. Geez I wish my boyfriend would write something like this for me! Anyways, keep up the good work. Sorry I couldn't be much help. :/

~Forest

Thanks anyway. ^-^

You probably should not have it be: A soft bed in a life of full of stress. You should take out the first "of." I like the poem a lot, it is short, simple, and sweet. It is very cute. The first line ends with: great day, and the second line begins with: A great night. You should probably use a different word other than great.

ABoyAndHisFlyingYeti wrote:Sydney

She is a beautiful sunrise at the start of a great day, This beginning is rather cliche' and put me off the poem somewhat. It didn't bother me too much, but still.
A great night at the fair with good friends. Hmm...this line really doesn't seem to fit with the others; they all are comparing Sydney to something, and that something is usually romantic and pretty-sounding.
An oasis of care in a desert of hate. Ah, this I like! The poem 'starts' here for me.
She is a warm summer night that you wish will never end;
A soft bed in a life of full of stress.
A gentle lake, consistently placid in a forest of chaos.
She is a priceless work of art,
A light in the darkness.
A save haven in a world of fear;
She is love.
Her name is Sydney,
And she’s my best friend. Cute, cute ending!

Adorable piece. Pretty good imagery and flow. I just didn't particularly care for the beginning, but it's OK. You tend to overuse the comma in place of the period. Be careful of that. Also, you could, I say could, break this into lines. It might make it look a bit neater. Very pretty poem, and I'm sure Sydney will/would have love/d it!

well. considering the fact that i sent it to her on valentines day and she broke up with me the day after... I'd say she didn't like it as much as you'd think. d: