Child

Spoiler

Just another poem I wrote.... probably isn't my best. I'm not the best at grammar so, please, feel free to be as nit picky as you wish.

I look upon your sleeping figure,
Your face so innocent and pure.
Your thoughts,
Your mind in another world.

Inhale, exhale, inhale,
Your steady breathing is that of a lullaby.

You are oblivious of your surroundings,
You are far off in a wonderful dream.

I shall not wake you,
You are at peace for the time being.
Why would I want to
corrupt your own little world?

War rages on around you.
I will protect you, sleeping one.

Grammar-wise, this is totally fine. No worries there at all.

I like this. It's very simple, yet deep at the same time, and it's just nice. However, I think you could add more specific imagery or figurative language, rather than only stating the narrator's thoughts in vague terms like "innocent," "pure," "wonderful," etc.

I would like to say that I love the line, "Your steady breathing is that of a lullaby." Absolutely beautiful.

So, that wasn't a long review, but I hope it was helpful.

~Blue

The fact that its easy to read and not long make it brilliant to begin with, but the fact that its short makes it hard to put meaningful content into it. But no worries, you put great stuff in there, it was brilliant, so enough of my two-sense, just keep writing!

This piece is simple but deep. The words you used -"innocent, wonderful"- they were so common but you made them do more for the story.
You could, if wanted, (cause it's not necessary) add in descriptions of a sleeping child. The way they're face is, hair, eyes. Whatever. Just to give a more fluent effect on the reader.

I would like to mention that this stanza:

JustMeNathalie wrote:Inhale, exhale, inhale,
Your steady breathing is that of a lullaby.

Is absolutely beautiful to me. My favorite part. Though maybe if you took out the second inhale? IMO of course (In my opinion..)

This piece made me smile, in memory of a few young ones I watch.
Great job
-Brie

I like the poem and the mood of the poem. To make it more interesting, you could go into more detail about how "War rages on around you." You could also go into more detail about how "I will protect you." I agree with Bhayden and BlueAfrica, that it's simple but deep. Though, I think you should leave the second inhale in because it adds flow. the poem left me feeling peaceful. I liked that it has such a strong mood, though I guess I already mentioned that.