Imperceptible

Spoiler

Hi everyone! I'd love your thoughts on this! Be as harsh as possible and feel free to PM me if you have any further questions ect.

Spherical in form – gossamer as a sheer orb – seamlessly curved
as the eyes’ glassy lens;

It sweeps me up, confines me within its weightless feather fingers –
diaphanous yet impenetrable –

I gaze from the panoramic pane - the clarity zealous, intense –
blatantly exposed, yet barely discernable;

Imperceptible.

Very....uh....well....I guess imperceptible might sum it up...

This is interesting. Your prose is nice. One technical thing I might have done, because you did it in the rest of the poem, is change the line (in the first stanza) "gossamer as a sheer orb" to simply "gossamer as sheer orb". It's a stylistic thing that would fit well with the rest of the poem. In fact, if you wanted to, you could eliminate other unnecessary words. It's a technique that I like in poems--but it's not for everybody.

I'm not sure if your use of hyphens adds to the poem. I think it's fine to use a few, but you've used quite a lot here.

Also, when you're writing a poem, it's important to consider visuals. This poem is very beautiful, but when I first opened up the page it wasn't (forgive me) especially pleasing to the eye. I think if you want to have each line that long the poem itself needs to be longer. Otherwise I would break it up more.

Overall, I really liked your prose and though you did a nice job with this piece. I hope this review helps!

Sarebear

Well, it was interesting. I haven't read many poem like this, it was short and easy to read. And the imagery as great, I just didn't really feel the words jump off the page, it wasn't bad though, I just didn't feel much emotion in it. Keep Writing!

It's amazing prose, to be sure! Great detail and very nice language. The words you chose were a nice breath of fresh from the usual poems I read here. It lacked a bit of emotion but it was great overall.

Good job and great writing!

Veritas

hey,
i liked the idea of the poem. it was made in a very different manner which i liked.
1.i think you overused your hyphens.
2. i would have liked if the poem was a bit longer.
3.it might have been better if it was broken up a bit. i tend to like poems which flow smoothly
4.i loved the usage of your words. some i have never heard before
5. i don't think that ; this punctuation was necessary
6. you could not involve me visually in this poem. i never felt that i was there and watching all this unfold
its a good poem. i would love to see more from you.