Irony of Chastity

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Hi everyone! I've had writers block recently, and last night, suddenly, I was just flooded with inspiration - yay! Unforntuately, Random and perhaps weird ideas popped into my head. Here's what happened when I put a pen to paper. I'm sure you'll figure out the message, but feel free to PM me if you need any further explanation :)


Irony of Chastity

They relish pricking at the skin, their taunts
like the stab of a vicious needle –

Prick. Prick. Prick.

Every thrust breaks flesh, draws fluid scarlet;
sears the deepest core of marrow -

And for what cause?

In the name of shaming chastity;
a virgin pure as salt of the sea!

Virtuousness rages as sin – its emissaries
are scorned as freakish spectacles.




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This is really good! I think you're getting better... ;)

Just a couple of things....
a virgin pure as salt of the sea!
You really don't need a exclamation mark here.
Your ending is also not very strong. It seems like the story should go on. So, try to see if you can make it more final or if there is still an idea floating around in your mind to add to this story.

Otherwise, great poem. The imagery is amazing and your flow is great up to the last two stanzas!

Keep writing,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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Very interesting, it flows wonderfully though the ending isn't as strong as I would want it to be. I agree with Alzora. It seems like it should continue. I would work on that. Otherwise it was rather intriguing and definitely the type I would return to to read. Good job!
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.




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This is interesting. I also agree that the ending isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, but it's really creative. Very intruiging, but it feels like there should be more. All on all, great job1 I liked it a lot! :)
So many people treat you like you’re a kid
so you might as well act like one,
and throw your television
out of a hotel window.
–Gerard Way



I went to confront noisy neighbours, only to find the windows dark, stuck with two notes. The ghost, too, had "gone fishing". Something still whistled.
— Liminality