An Empty Love

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 14
It's very strange how I feel nothing for you anymore
how I can touch you, taste you
but not love you like before
Even though I keep pushing you away, you keep pushing back
you want something from me and that something is something that I lack
I don't know what to do
because when I see you with someone else I want you
no, I need you
our relationship can be summed up into one word:
convenience.
it's easy to leave you when I know you would come back fast
But I feel bad
because I don't feel your touch, or taste your taste
all I sense is emptiness
all I know now is convenience.
laney girl




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 202
Only one problem;
you want something from me and that something is something that I lack

You use 'something' too much. Find a new word to use.

Other than that i really liked your poem. Your poem showed real confusion in a relationship , which many can relate to. So i thought your poem was great. :)
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~




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Points 1078
Reviews 333
you want something from me and that something is something that I lack
You do use 'something' a lot in here, but I think you should just add after 'me.' I liked the repetition of 'something' but the sentence was a little awkward.

I don't know what to do
because when I see you with someone else I want you

Rhythm is a little off here and I didn't particularly like the wording of this part.

our relationship can be summed up into one word:
convenience.

This seemed a little blunt. Try making it flow better with the rest of the poem.

it's easy to leave you when I know you would come back fast
But I feel bad

This part, too, needs to flow better with the poem.

all I know now is convenience.
Maybe you could take out 'now' to keep with the other line and to take out unnecessary words. But this is a very nice last line.

This was better than I expected it to be [don't worry- that's a compliment :)]. It was a straightforward poem and easy to relate to. Some parts I didn't really like, but overall it was pretty good.



The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White