Just because I didn't cry for you

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Just because I didn’t cry for you
Does not mean
That I didn’t feel you leave.

Mother
Please believe that
I ached for you
With every part of me
I still do.

I couldn’t muster tears for you
But you still made me
Think of you compulsively
Addictively
And all the things left unsaid.

I still love you.
I wish I didn’t
I really wish that I could
Brush you off
Forget you
But I can't.
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Alice in Wonderland




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Hey gracie. Nice poem you have here. I do feel meaning behind the words, even though in some parts the poem was a little weak. I dont really see any gramatical flaws, and I thought the best stanza was the third because it had a nice gentle flow. I didnt at all enjoy the last stanza. Your poem ended swiftly and abruptly. Other than that, this was a decent poem with potential. Happy writing,
- Amelia xxx




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Hey there, human Host of Horus here to review.

At first glance the thing I feel odd about, is the structure. I'll try to show you what I mean....

This is a suggestion of what I think you could do. It is only a suggestion, and I will try to explain why.

Just because I didn’t cry for you,
Does not mean,
I did not feel you leave.

Mother please believe,
that I ached for you, with every part of me.
I still do. This for example is a line I that felt very strange for me. In terms of rhythm and that.

I couldn’t muster tears for you.
But you still made me think.
To think of you compulsively,
Addictively,
And all the things left unsaid. Here again, I feel it throws off the rhythm. I'm also slightly confused, but that could just be me.

I still love you.
I wish I didn’t.
I really wish that I could brush you off, I feel that "really" takes away from the poem in this instance. Modifiers like that can have this effect. Just be careful with them sometimes.
Forget you,
But I can't.



Now, I'm not saying you have to do any of this, I want to make that clear. They are merely suggestions. I feel as though the rhythm was just sort of awkward throughout. I can agree with the above review, in that I can tell you have meaning behind your words, that said I think it gets lost sometimes because the poem is a little choppy. In a final word, I felt like there was something missing. Mostly in terms of a back story. It just leaves me wondering what could have happened, and I think it would be cool if you illustrated that to us. But again, that is just a suggestion. Don't take any of this too harshly, I liked it a lot, and I wouldn't want you to think I didn't. It could just use some improvement. If you have any questions, let me know!

~HostofHorus
HostofHorus Author, Poet, Dreamer, and Expressionist.
http://JRSStories.com
Stories Poems © As of January 1st 2014

Need a review? Feel free to ask me! :)




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I definitely feel a sense of really, really strong emotion. Especially here:

I wish I didn’t
I really wish that I could
Brush you off
Forget you
But I can't.

I guess because of the asyndeton "Brush you off/Forget you", as if they both mean the same thing, though they're really climbing in intensity. It really gave off the emotional punch that I think you're trying to bring out.

Some parts of the poem, though, could've been stronger, I think.

For one, you're missing major punctuation marks at places.

Ex:

I ached for you
With every part of me
I still do.

"With every part of me"--does it go with "I ached for you" or "I still do"? I think it's the former; put a semicolon on it!

The only reason some parts are weak is that you fall back on cliches. "With every part of me"--just googling it, I found a gagillion different web sites that said vaguely the same thing.

"I Ache for you in Every Part of Me that Knows Love, Knows Passion.."
http://www.majesticsilence.com/2011/01/ ... -that.html

"I am starving. Every part of me aches with need. It's you that I crave."
http://mysticmuse.net/authors/nika/hunger.htm

So--watch out for cliches.

Hope I helped!
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away



The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone