Hiding From Shadows

Creeping,
Fleeing,
All of them
Seeing.

Hiding,
Catching,
Some of them
Snatching.

Running,
Quicker,
A shiver,
A flicker.

Stumble,
Move on.
The light
All gone.

Stop
And wait,
Start again?
Too late.

When describing what the poem is about give more details. I like the simpliness of the poem, but if you are going to do something that simple write more/desrcibe more of the subject. I enjoyed the present tense of the selection, though, go over the grammer and puncutation.

You had a very good rhythm up until the third line of the last stanza. Try "Restart?" instead. Also, the very short one-word lines annoyed me a bit. I think it would work better visually if you combined them into couplets.

For example:

Creeping, fleeing,
All of them seeing.

You still get the rhythm, but it's much easier on the eyes. If you want each of the individual words/phrases to have more of an impact, you could use periods instead of commas, like so:

Creeping. Fleeing.
All of them seeing.

Overall, though, a decent poem. I really liked the rhythm.

AquaMarine27 wrote:Creeping,
Fleeing.[Period instead of comma]
All of them
Seeing.

Hiding,
Catching,
Some of them
Snatching.

Running,
Quicker.[I'd put a period here]
A shiver,
A flicker.

Stumble,
Move on.
The light
All gone.

Stop
And wait.[Another period]
Start again?
Too late.

This poem is very simple, but I actually liked it a lot. I liked the rhythme and I like the rhyme. There isn't a lot of immagery, but I think that's okay because it leaves the imagination to conjure up what lurks in the shadows. I have no other advice, since I think this is good the way it is. Great work!

^_^ Keek!

(Seriously, I would have liked to have written this myself =P)

ehh...its just of shadows flickering from a candle or something ? sounds like a nice little place....for a bit..

i'd love to see this poems ideas and or images worked into a nice little forest / raining scene.. it'd make for a very nice and relaxing scene.. i suppose....

actully i think i'll write it.. you've just inspared me.. thank you very much...

I saw your reply to the 'How'd you find YWS' and had to read this. XD (It's a pretty good poem, nonetheless (I never know if that's the correct spelling))

~Jas

Also: Isn't PAT BUCHANAN awesome?

Hi there Amy. Lavvi into review for you

So. For punctuation, I think you really have that nailed down. I only have one suggestion related (to):

Running,
Quicker,

I think it would be best if this was in parentheses or had a dash somewhere. Also, it might be better, grammatically correct, to have it as "Quickly" rather than "Quicker". I think...I'm not entirely sure because I'm quite tired.

This was interesting. You really captured the sense of really hiding from shadows. Awesome.

Yours,
Lavvi