In the Garden

In the garden
The wind whispers
To the giggling Pansies,
The cackling leaves
And the blades of grass
Waving aimlessly to the sky.

The garden gnomes watch the
Pond water suspiciously,
Waiting for fishes which aren't there.
Their patience is in vain
As all that lies below
Are the water nymphs.

The brown, muddy soil grumbles softly
To the tree roots pushing their
Way through the Earth.
The clouds loom over chattering
Bluebells and rose petals
Dancing in the air.

The tulips mumble to one another
As the stars slip into place
Sitting upon the silent sky
Ready to shine once again.

I wrote this poem when I was 11 I think, so it's very flawed and the ideas are simple. But I didn't want to change it because it sort of represents the innocence and naivety I had back then. So I am aware that it's not brilliant but still feel free to criticize and share your ideas.

On the contrary, I think it is a beautiful poem. I'm kind of amazed that you wrote it when you were so young. The ideas are simple, but it was pleasant. It made a nice change from the typical doom and darkness poems we see a lot of. It was light and cheerful and brought pleasant images into my mind. I almost felt like I was sitting out in a garden. There's just a couple thing's I'd like to point out.

In the garden
The wind whispers
To the giggling Pansies, I don't think "Pansies" should be capitalized.
The cackling leaves
And the blades of grass
Waving aimlessly to the sky.

The garden gnomes watch the
Pond water suspiciously,
Waiting for fishes which aren't there. Fishes should just be fish.
Their patience is in vain Comma here.
As all that lies below
Are the water nymphs.

Overall, a lovely little poem. Good work!
~Masquerade

Hello! Masquerade covered all the flaws I was going to draw to your attention, so I won't nitpick...I really enjoyed this poem. It was simplistic yet lovely, and some of your descriptions were pretty and pleasant. Well done! Keep writing, and WELCOME! Enjoy yourself here, and keep producing pieces like this! A *like* from me!
~ Amelia

Aww thankyou very much yeah the website's kinda confusing at the moment :L but I'll get there. Thanks again for the feedback xXx

Hey there Buddy! I thought I'd start with this one since I'm more familiar with poetry I like what you have here and agree that it should be preserved as it is. As a literary piece it's good but nothing amazing but as a piece of memorabilia, it's really nice. Here's a few comments though that you can consider for future poems:

In the garden <<<[Nice opening, very clear cut and invites interest.]
The wind whispers <<<[Try to avoid cliches like this unless you're doing something fresh with them.]
To the giggling Pansies,
The cackling leaves
And the blades of grass
Waving aimlessly to the sky.

[I'd suggest not starting every line with a capital letter. These days that's only used for certain structured poetry such as sonnets and free verse like this should be capitalised as you would for prose, so only after an end stopped line or occasionally to draw extra emphasis to a word.]

The garden gnomes watch the <<<[I'd suggest having the line break after watch.]
Pond water suspiciously,
Waiting for fishes which aren't there.
Their patience is in vain
As all that lies below
Are the water nymphs. <<<[I'd have loved to see an expansion on this because they're such beautiful, mystical creatures and I've always been in love with the lore surrounding them.]

The brown, muddy soil grumbles softly
To the tree roots pushing their
Way through the Earth.
The clouds loom over chattering
Bluebells and rose petals
Dancing in the air.<<<[This stanza doesn't really add much to the poem. It's a bit repetetive of what's gone before.]

The tulips mumble to one another
As the stars slip into place
Sitting upon the silent sky
Ready to shine once again. <<<[A pretty nice end to the poem, it would have been good to have more descriptions of the flowers and such rather than concentrating so much on the actions but in general it was pretty and it's a pleasant read.]

Well there you go, I hope that helps a little and feel free to PM me with any questions. Talk to you soon!

Heather xxx

Hi there!

I actually liked the "innocence" of this poem. Even though you were 11, I still think this was a really good poem. I loved how you managed to turn a garden into another world, like a fairytale of sorts.

Anyways, I'm still loving your work! Nice job!

You have a very pleasant, charming and as you put it, innocent poem there. I can see the charm of the garden, through your eyes. The poem is also very simple and not very complex, meaning I could understand it and it all links up. Which is good. And, you wrote that when you're eleven? You must be a very good poet.

Actually, the simple style is really pretty and sweet. It does sort of portray innocence, and the poem is very sweet. I really liked it. Any "mistakes" have already been pointed out... really good!