Screams Of Thunder.

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I sit in this room
So dim and so lonesome
Tears in my eyes...

I dont know why...
She distrusts me
I'm affected.

Thunder Cracks,
Lightning flashes
It screams with bitter rage.

Her Words kill me,
Slowly choking...
My heart beats slow

A tear trickles down...
I read her last message,
I'll never forget.

I cause the pain.
I am the strain,
The problem...

Removing me...
The solution,
I apologize...

For it was a mere trick...
Ended with the Click of her keys...
Ended by the tear dropping.

Ended By The flash Of light,
The Screams Of the thunder...
The box reopens...

A glimmer of hope?
Her Message reads apologetically...
Maybe I have A Chance?

We must overcome our differences..
But Her bitter words attack again...
Streaming down like rainfall the tears collapse

The lightening Flashes
The Thunder Screams
In Utter Distaste They Stare.
All I'm writing is just what I feel, that's all.-Jimi Hendrix
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.-Edgar Allan Poe
A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.-John Lennon




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Hi! Just a quick review!
I really liked this piece! I may have time for a proper review later!
Right now, I thought 'screams of thunder' was very, very good. It was quite dramatic, and in places a little pithy and blunt but I figured that was just your style and it really works. It felt a little disjointed in a few stanzas, but again, I think it may just be the purposed style of your poem.
Very well done. Keep writing,
~ Amelia




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Points 14289
Reviews 232
Okay, first of all, there's capital letter in the middle of the sentence. i don't know if it was supposed to be this way or not, but it made no sense to me. So I suggest you get rid of all the capitals in the middle of the sentence. Like this one:

Kilo wrote:Her words kill me,


There's a few more in there, but I think you can spot them yourself.

And also you seem to have rather a lot of ellipsis, I'd suggest removing some of them. Some ellipsis is good but not too much.
But overall, I like the feel of this poem, it was very dramatic and emotional. I just think there's a few technicalities that you have to work on, like the capitalisation, but other than that, I'd say it was a poem well done! :)



Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe