Scream

I've had mixed reactions to this, some people think it's too heavy, other people think it's good. I'm not sure myself.

Scream:

Scream…
Not to be heard.
The World is too busy to listen.
And you know what?
That’s a good thing.

Scream…
Everyone is anyway,
And they have reason to.
Don’t join in though,
Try to drown them out.

Scream…
You’re going to eventually.
Not that it’ll help much.
Maybe enough to keep you going,
For a few days…

So Scream.

=======================
I know it sounds really emo, and it is, but I'm not as far gone as the poem makes me out to be

As always, be brutal when reviewing

Hi. I liked your poem very much. To be honest, I didn't really understand the purpose of the poem: the meaning behind it ect. I didn't really find any mistakes in the way of grammar, although here's a nitpick of the second stanza.


Scream…
Everyone is - perhaps does would be better english -anyway,
And they have reason to.
Don’t join in though,
Try to drown them out.


Hope this review helps... AC x

Hi!
So I don't like that you used the '...' It gives a false sense ofthe word scream. And I'm curious why you capitalized 'The World' But what's really good is the last stanza, but the '...' spoil it's end. ou should want it to be more emo, not contemplative. Which is why you shouldn't use '...'

Heya Rune! Gsp here. I'll be your reviewer for today.

Scream…
Not to be heard.
The World is too busy to listen.
And you know what?
That’s a good thing.

Nice strong beginning, but the "..." at the end of "Scream" seems to take away from it. I'm not sure what it is about it, but it just doesn't look right. I like how you capitalized World too, though I'm really not sure why.

Scream…
Everyone is anyway,
And they have reason to.
Don’t join in though,
Try to drown them out.

The first sentence seems a little out of place. What Amelia said about changing it to "does" sounds like a good idea, however. And again, you have scream with "..." at the end. I'd change that to just a single period.

Scream…
You’re going to eventually.
Not that it’ll help much.
Maybe enough to keep you going,
For a few days…

So Scream.

I like this stanza a lot, but again, the "..." at the first and last words really bugs me. I haven't the slightest idea why, but it does.

All-in-all, excellent poem, I like it. Keep up the good work!

~Gsp.

I didn't like this poem. It wasn't that it was too heavy as you say. It was just weird. I think this needs heavy editing.

Scream…
Not to be heard.
The World is too busy to listen.
And you know what?
That’s a good thing.

This seems a bit juvenile to me. Not even really emo, just juvenile. It sounds more like something you would hear a child who is confused say (granted you were one, perhaps still are). But it is like a little child moaning for his mommy.

The rest of the poem was not much better. I didn't feel any emotion with this poem. I felt as though you were trying to show us emotion, but failed.

Hello Rune

I surprisingly realy liked this poem. And it is surprising because usually I am annoyed by these so-called "emo" poems because they seem, to me at least, to just BEG for attention. But this one didn't seem like that, no it was more of an inner battle type thing, and not a "I cut, I see red." cliche.

Scream...
You're going to eventually.
Not that it'll help much.
Maybe enough to keep you going, I would take out this comma here. It doesn't really need to be there, it's just distracting.
For a few days... I didn't like the ellipsis here.[/quote]

Scream...
Everyone is anyway,
And they have reason to. I'd put in 'a' before reason, or make it reasons.
Don't join in though,
Try to drown them out. I liked these last two lines! Nice contradiction.

The World is too busy to listen. Not really sure why you capitalized world...

And I do feel like it's absent of emotion, but with the topic it is it actually fits really well! Apathy is really handy in these types of poems.

~BTM