Love

4 posts
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Gender Male
Points 3181
Reviews 131
There's a letter opener with my name on it
I tossed it in the trash last night
Trash is what we normally filter out when we speak

You don't know me
Nobody knows me
I saw a story about me on the television
It was all wrong
Why? It was narrated by one man
I am one man
And one man deserves a million narrations

Me entire life is the pinnacle of my entire life
I have not the life of one person
I have the life of the world in my blood
Why? Because I have love

What is love when it is not?
Does it see when you are blind?
Does it reconcile when you spit?
Does it save lifes when you kill?
Can it see when you are blind?
Does your love for a woman exist when she hates you?
Does it live on when you die?

Love is God
And God is love
So God lives in me
And I in God

Are you ready to love?
Throw out your letter opener
Need reviews?
I'd be happy to give them.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic76104.html




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Gender Male
Points 625
Reviews 286
Just looking at it, it's too repetitive in the foruth stanza. Questions in a list isn't the most entertaining. Sorry, I'm just lazy and leaving a comment. Good luck, keep writing.
[quote]If it's arguable, then it probably is." - Xeriana X

Link to my will review for food thread: topic71713.html




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Gender Female
Points 28282
Reviews 884
I'll be honest; I wasn't a fan of this because of a few points -
-It was list-like, and kind of dull
-Part of it just sounds a little shallow and conceited, like "I deserve to be talked about all the time."
-The end (to me) felt a little preachy.

I think you would've done good to voice your idea in a more subtle and simple, wiser way. It's good to reveal patience in a religious poem, because otherwise it does get preachy and something close-minded. But you have potential.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3181
Reviews 131
I'm not nearly this cocky in real life. I don't know why, but something compelled me to write like this. It's just a side project off my novel, I don't plan to come back to it. but thanks for the reviews!
Need reviews?
I'd be happy to give them.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic76104.html



“Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell