why can't life be this way?

Rose petals fall and fall as i'm here crying. With every step,word,breath you take,you know i'm hurt. We walk up to each other about to start a fight. You hold my hand and a tear comes down you're eye. You say "you are the one I love, my life." "you're everything to me." Isn't this any girls fantasie? This time you love her. I'm not forgiving you.

-Shanyn Beckham

Hi, Tinkem here , this is how I would change this (not that it was rubbish to start off with, I thought it was quite good );

freaxxx8909 wrote:[center]Rose petals fall as I'm crying.
With every breath you take, you know I'm hurt.
We walk up to one another, about to start a fight.
You hold my hand and a tear falls down your cheek.
You say; "You are the one I love, my life, you're everything to me."
Isn't this any girl's fantasy?
Real life guys will dump you for the most stupid of reasons.
This time you love her.
I'm not forgiving you.[/center

Other than that it was good

Keep up the writing

~ Tinkem

I agree with the above reviewer, Tinkem. It looks better, more like a proper poem and is easier to read. I don't have much to say but I'm going to say it anyway.
1. For some reason this poem seems a ' showing' instead of telling. To me it's like your telling a story putting down your thoughts in a almost narrative like way. Maybe try more metaphors more repetition.

2.

Real life guys will dump you for the most stupid of reasons.

This line doesn't sound right to me, maybe a little silly. The words

Real life

seem unnecessary. Maye try using different words.

I hoped that helped, keep up the good work.

Hello,
I agree with Jennya, it really tripped me up on how to read it with how you worded it. All together though, you wrote this piece out nicely. Oh, and like with the first review, make it in stanza form. I bet every girl does wish for this to be reality, i know I do sometimes. Really good, kind of artsy post. =) great job.

-Ash

I understand this. I have felt this way before.