Deleted

Deleted

I lie in wait for something grand,
afeeling greater than this sensation,
pulsing through my veins.

My body trembles at your fingers touch.
Flesh to flesh, becoming one.
Your whispers feed my soul,
yet do not fill my hunger for something more.
A special moment to close my eyes.

The light shines through,
waking me from a nightmare.
Cold and broken.

This is a interesting poem. I don't really understand it and you don't have much emotion in there, just descriptions. It seems like you're trying to ryhme when you actually aren't for some reason... I don't know why.

Keep writing,
Alzora

Its very good, until it gets to the end. You kind of let the rhythm of the poem go, which I really liked the rhythm of it. Plus the end is kind of confusing, was it just a dream? Overall, i liked it, it just got confusing at the end.

Keep writing
-Rayne

Hello there

I lie in wait for something grand

Please revise this line

I found this very cliché and plain. There were very few enticing elements. I mean, this is a very common topic, it needs a creative approach to make it different from the rest that I've seen before. Not to say that it was completely terrible but it needs little tweaking.
Keep writing

Hey there i'm China Cookie...

just wanted t thank you for the review you left me..

This poem is very short yet Good... I'm not sure what your getting at but Brings back a deep underlying memory i have at the back of my mind.. And it brings tears to me on how sick society is... One suggestion though, Do try and lengthen your poems.

Hope to read more of your work. Keep writing.

Regards;
China Cookie

Butterfinger wrote:
I lie in wait for something grand
A feeling greater than this sensation
Pulsing through my veins
My body trembles at your fingers touch
Flesh to flesh, becoming one.
Your whispers feed my soul
Yet do not fill my hunger for something more -----

I think this is too much for one line, maybe-fill my hunger with something more?

A special moment to close my eyes.
The light shines through
Waking me to a nightmare
Cold and broken.

The ending could use a little work but i do respect the direction you are going. Continue it if you wish and i will be happy to read on. ;D

I like the ending actually
I like the poem
I like hown its writtenn
Good work