For Love Lost

He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

Why didn't i realize?
he hasn't been the same.
I'm growing tired,
hearing his name.

He's holding my hands,
in front of his friends.
Girls must be,
in the latest trends.

His lips, they're cold,
no longer have emotion.
It's only a routine,
like we don't have an option.

I find myself staring,
drawn to those eyes.
He looked away worried,
I'd see through his lies.

He said he's going out,
having coffee with a "friend".
Why can't he just quit?
Put these excuses to an end!

Envy poses no evil,
it gives but a clue.
It only signifies,
that I'm through with you.

He's waiting by the doorstep,
banging on the door,
I shouted "go away!"
as i fell to the floor.

He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

Hiya bf.

Cool that you ended the way you began.

Rhyming is great, rather like a song though. The rhythm isn't consistent all throughout but I think it works. Except fot the sixth stanza. The last line is a bit too long.

Yay for poetry.

--NixieDarcy.

Hey-
I really liked this piece! I love the dramatic influence your peice has! Keep writing!

Hi everyone! Thanks for the reviews!

BF: fixed it up! Thanks for noticing!

Gensonwrtr9: Thanks! I will!

Take care guys!:D

Hey bailecielo (I hope I spelled that right, I'm pretty sure I didn't but, I tried. I'm terrible at spelling). I'm here to give you your well earned reviews! : )
So, off I go!

bailecielo wrote:He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

Poetry, I guess, is one of the few places where you can give reason for not capitalizing things. Like, maybe they feel bad and don't feel like they deserve to capitalize I, or they're atheist (or the point of view of the poem is) so God isn't capitalized. However, with this you capitalized it in some places and not others. I'd recommend just capatalizing all of them

bailecielo wrote:He's holding my hands,
in front of his friends.
Girls must be,
in the latest trends.

This would be my favorite part about the poem because it shows how you just dated because its 'in'. Its also just very overall written, this stanza. Love it Great job!!

bailecielo wrote:His lips, they're cold,
no longer have emotion.
It's only a routine,
like we don't have an option.

These two lines of the stanza are off. Normally, you've held out a ABCB, but here you didn't follow this. I don't care if a poem has no rhyme scheme at all, but this completely throws it off. Emotion and option are kind of like a half rhyme. The rhyme in a way, but it doesn't really flow as well as it could.

I find myself staring,
drawn to those eyes.
He looked away worried,
I'd see through his lies.

I believe that one of these verbs are the wrong tense.

He said he's going out,
having coffee with a "friend".
Why can't he just quit?
Put these excuses to an end!

The ending for this stanza doesn't flow. Maybe the line's a little too long? I'm not sure what to say, really.
Sorry that wasn't too helpful of a comment.

He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

I like how you brought the ending back to the ending. Truthfully, I'm a true sucker for these types of endings.
Good job!
Keep writing poetry (well, write anything you like, but I like your poetry)
~MV

bailecielo wrote:He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

Why didn't i realize?
he hasn't been the same.
I'm growing tired,
hearing his name.

He's holding my hands,
in front of his friends.
Girls must be,
in the latest trends.

His lips, they're cold,
no longer have emotion.
It's only a routine,
like we don't have an option.

I find myself staring,
drawn to those eyes.
He looked away worried,
I'd see through his lies. ---- This is a tad awkward, how about I could see through his lies?

He said he's going out,
having coffee with a "friend".
Why can't he just quit?
Put these excuses to an end!

Envy poses no evil,
it gives but a clue.
It only signifies,
that I'm through with you. ---- I love this verse

He's waiting by the doorstep,
banging on the door,
I shouted "go away!"
as i fell to the floor.

He's screaming his lungs out,
saying "i love you!"
I'm moping in the corner,
wishing it was true.

The repetition from the first verse drawn into the last was unexpected but superb, and it had a sense of alliteration in the form of a paragraph rather than repeating letters or words. I really could see during the imagery, along with almost watching everything play out like a movie of some sorts. I would never change it if I were you.