The Last Rose.

I left you a rose.
It erased my smile,
And made me shed a tear.
Just the thought of it,
Makes me sad.

Just the thought that you are no longer here
But now gone.
Gone forever.
I will never see your smile again.
Or be able to hear your laugh once more.
I said, "Good-bye."
But I didn't think that it would be the last time.
The last time I would tell you anything.

The thought of it makes my eyes burn.
I don't want it to be the end.
But down inside I know it is.

Now I will remain,
Standing here,
On your grave,
And I will shead a tear.
And give a giggle.
Because now I will remeber.
Remember all the good times we had.

Everything we shared.
All the love we gave.
But I will try.
Try to pull through.
Darkness will never concur good.
So I will pull through.

But all I want you to know.
Is that I left you a rose.
I left it right there on your tombstone.
Right next to your name.
And also that you will never be forgotten.
You will always be loved.
Always be remebered.
By the deeds you did.
Not by the mistakes you made.

Hi, BrokenSkye. I'm Freak.
This poem was very captivating. I liked it.

But, there are nitpicks:

I left you a rose.
It erased my smile. You continue your next sentence with an "And" so you do not need a period
And made me shead "Shed" a tear.
Just the thought of it. No period
Makes me sad.

Just the thought that you are no longer here. You continue this sentence so no period. Also, this is an incomplete sentence. "Just the thought of you no longer here" what?
But now gone. No period
Gone forever.
I will never see your smile again. No period - you continue your sentence!
And never be able to hear your laugh once more.
I said, "Good-bye." A comma belongs at the end, not a period
But I didn't think that it would be the last time. (Hyphen; No period)
The last time I would tell you anything.

The thought of it makes my eyes burn.
I don't want it to be the end. Comma, instead of a period
But down inside I know it is.

Now I will remand "Remain". No period
Standing here. No period
On your grave. No period
And I will shead "Shed" a tear.No period
And give a giggle. No period; Comma
Because now I will remeber "Remember". No period; Comma
Remember all the good times we had.

Everything we shared. (Comma)
All the love we gave.
But Remove this "But" it doesn't belong there I will try. (Comma)
Try to pull through.
Darkness will never concur good. (Comma)
So I will pull through.

But all I want you to know. No period
Is that I left you a rose. (Comma)
I left it right there on your tombstone. (Comma)
Right next to your name. (Comma)
And also that you will never be forgotten.
You will always be loved. (Comma)
Always be remebered "Remembered". No period
By the deeds you did. (Comma)
Not by the mistakes you made.

Phew! Anyway, good job...except for all the periods and such. >.< I liked and could feel the emotion. Write on and PM me for anything.

~Freak

I left you a rose.
It erased my smile.
And made me shead a tear.
Just the thought of it.
Makes me sad. (The last two lines of this stanza seem a little to casual for a poem like this)

Just the thought that you are no longer here. (I would shorten this to "you are no longer here")
But now gone.
Gone forever. (And also shorten this to just "Forever.")
I will never see your smile again.
And never be able to hear your laugh once more.
I said, "Good-bye."
But I didn't think that it would be the last time.
The last time I would tell you anything.

The thought of it makes my eyes burn. (I also suggest shortening this to "It makes my eyes burn")
I don't want it to be the end.
But down inside I know it is.

Now I will remand.
Standing here.
On your grave.
And I will shead a tear.
And give a giggle.
Because now I will remeber.
Remember all the good times we had.

Everything we shared.
All the love we gave.
But I will try.
Try to pull through.
Darkness will never concur good. (I'm not sure "concur" is used correctly here)
So I will pull through.

But all I want you to know. (Removing the "but" will make it seem less casual)
Is that I left you a rose.
I left it right there on your tombstone.
Right next to your name.
And also that you will never be forgotten. (So will removing the "And also that")
You will always be loved.
Always be remebered.
By the deeds you did. ("Deeds you did" is kind of an awkward wording)
Not by the mistakes you made.

I appreciated the emotion of this poem, but some casual and/or awkward wordings made it hard to really enjoy. I suggest spending some time tightening this poem up and working to make the language as beautiful as possible so that it's more reflective of the situation.

Hey Skye, lovely poem! Actually, I understand that it's not supposed to be "lovely" so I'm going to say that it's pretty. Lovely has such negative connotations... Anyway, here's a few comments:

I left you a rose.
It erased my smile.
And made me shead a tear.
Just the thought of it.
Makes me sad.

• Okay so I understand how many people are mentioning this but it doesn't hurt to mention it again. When poetry is read, the punctuation is very important. It allows the reader to incorporate the subtle sounds and and transitions in you poem. After all, poetry isn't like music and you can't write little notes to the reader to tell them to read line 5 wistfully. After saying that, watch the punctuation here. That's all I'll say about that. Oh and also, it wouldn't hurt to watch spelling.

So are you remembering leaving the rose and is that what you're being torn up about? Or did you leave the rose and you're sad about it.... Or am I taking it a little too literally? The transition between the rose and your emotions is very blunt, try to add a little something to clear up the rocky transition...

• The only reason I'm spending so much time with this stanza is because its the introduction and it's important to start the reader off with something good.

The thought of it makes my eyes burn.
I don't want it to be the end.
But down inside I know it is.

Umm... a drastic shift of tense. Can you bring the reader to the present a little more gracefully? I suggest adding a bit of information from the stanza before to smooth out the dip between the stanzas.


Okay so one major thing I'm noticing with this is the random shifts of mood. You start off using words like "tears," "eyes," "burn," etc. Then suddenly you come out with a word like "giggle" and it hits you when you read it. The one thing you should add to this poem is poetic grace. Some poems are blunt, I understand that, but the writers of said poems already set up the poem to be that way. They are able to incorporate the oxymorons and lapses of tenses and such. If you want to do this, make sure its introduced in the beginning so it's not such a surprise when you spring it at us in the middle.

Also, I'll stress transitions. Words that will bridge ideas and stanzas are important because they help your poem flow.

In all, you poem conveys a really good message. However, your style and your flow are a bit choppy. Also, there are very noticealbe lapses in spelling that sitck out like red pen. Clean up your poetry before you post it.

Keep writing, I'd love to see more of your work!

Forever Threnody