Im "Just"

I liked it. I just don't think you should have put the hole thing. That sort of threw me off, actually.

@EdgarAllanPoe: jeee! thanks for the compliment.=)

I really liked this, but some of the language confused me. Also I wouldn't tell the reader you are not going to edit this, otherwise you won't get many good reviews. I also wondered why you write poetry if you don't even like it? Anyway I really did like this!

Flower

@Flower~Child: *smiles* Thanks anyways. Ok, I will remove that phrase. And about your question, why do I write this if i don't like to write poems, is that I only write poems when I am in my emotional stage where sadness reigns in me. As you notice in my two first poems, SADNESS and SORROW was the center emotion. Got it?

kogarasumaro143 wrote:why do I write this if i don't like to write poems, is that I only write poems when I am in my emotional stage where sadness reigns in me. As you notice in my two first poems, SADNESS and SORROW was the center emotion. Got it?

i know what you mean there, it drives me nuts when people are like "why did you write that?" and I'm thinking "because that is where i was and how i felt! "

anyway i liked this it's really good, and it really gave me this sense of hopelessness, not sure if that's what your aiming for but anyway!

@Adeera: Thanks.. Hehehe. I just don't know how to express myself.. Exactly, that's what I want to impart to.

I liked it a lot. I could sort of picture what you were describing in my head as you went along telling the story in the poem.

Like Flower~Child said, some of the language confused me, but overall it was great.

Good job, and keep writing!

Everything around sounds the finest.

But, everything sounds in its worst,

That sort of confuses me. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here. I'm assuming that it's talking about how it's sort of bittersweet with this person in your life, because she is wonderful, but isn't yours. Like I said- bittersweet, maybe? I don't know. I could be wrong. Just correct me at any point!

I envy more her best of friends,
Which she would never give them up.
In times of choosing over friends,
I’m sure, she would pick them up.

In this bit, I was confused particularly at the second line. When you say that, shouldn't you be saying "who she would never give up"?
Also, at the third line. When you say that, shouldn't it be something more like "in times of choosing friends over love"? I guess that just depends on what you're trying to say there. Still, a good stanza. I liked it, confusion aside.

And valuing me like a food in my ear.

This line didn't make any sense to me. I guess you were trying to say how much she values you when her friends aren't there. But maybe try re-wording it. That's just a suggestion, though.

Other than that, I don't think there was anything else, unless I missed something. I don't think I did.

Like I said, I loved the tone of it and felt like I could really feel your emotion, which is awesome.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Hi, kogarasumaro143. Here is your review as promised.

Thinking that I am just a “just”

This sounds a little redundant.

I envy more her best of friends,

This was confusing. Are you saying: I envy her best friends more?

In times of choosing over friends,
I’m sure, she would pick them up.

This doesn't sound right.

And when times she could not see them,
A large of sight and praise from her will be seen and heard

. The second line really confused me.

And valuing me like a food in my ear.

Sorry, but that didn't make much sense. I would suggest rewording it like this:And valuing me like music in my ear or:And valuing me like food in my mouth.

Like a toy which a child would desire,
Bringing joy and happiness to her.
But when she won’t need the toy,
Poor little toy, forsaken, forgotten, alone.

I love this stanza. Best stanza of the poem! Personally, I think you should end the poem with this stanza.

Though I felt like the little toy,
Living such to unfairness.
Yet now, I will never expect to value me like them,
But to live in a paradise of happiness

. I didn't quite get this stanza. Frankly, I don't think you need it. I would suggest ending the poem at the second to last stanza.

Overall: I liked this poem. The theme and emotions were conveyed strongly. However, some of your lines were confusing, and the flow was a little rushed. If you work on these two things, the emotions and theme will be expressed even stronger, and your poem will truly shine. PM me if you need anything, and best of luck with your writing~bluewaterlily.