The Death of Love.

Like a rotting corpse in the Earth,
There is little I can do.
A vicious disease, it cleans me free of bone, tissue and hair.
Barely sustaining me.
There is no cure but prolonged love between us.
When distant, I fall back into a slump.
Utterly in a hell unknown.
My skins peels, as my heart breaks.
I try to push the coffin door north, to release myself from such a confined space.
With no success, the coffin door shuts and I immerse myself in darkness once more.
I wish for no-one to see me, a monster, or a zombie possessed by a dead romance.
His palm on mine is only a dream.
A sheer vision or desire.
It won't ever happen and because of this, a monster such a myself will again be dead to the world.

Hey there, GagaBowie!

GagaBowie wrote:Like a rotting corpse in the Earth,
There is little i can do. You need to capitalize your i's.
A vicious disease, it cleans me free of bone, tissue and hair. Yikes - I like this.
Barely sustaining me. This doesn't seem like it's needed.
There is no cure but prolonged love between us.
When distant, i fall back into a slump. You need to capitalize your i's.
Utterly in a hell unknown.
My skins peels, as my heart breaks.
I try to push the coffin door north, to release myself from such a confined space.
With no success, the coffin door shuts and i immerse myself in darkness once more. Capitalize your i's.
I wish for no-one to see me, a monster, or a zombie possessed by a dead romance. I like this part - "a zombie possessed by a dead romance." <3
His palm on mine, is only a dream. No comma.
A sheer vision or desire. I think "or" should be "of"
It won't ever happen and because of this, a monster such a myself will again be dead to the world.

Hmm, this was okay. Nothing spectacular. I feel like you need to get some form in your poem - you have extremely short lines and extremely long lines. Find a happy medium or make a choice. Apart from that, you need to watch your grammar (even in poems we must not forget it!) and never forget to capitalize your i's. Overall, nice job.

-Mizz-

This is a really dark poem. I like the way his/her unrequited love makes him/her a bit angry almost inhuman. The poem in a way freaks me out. Ive read a lot of poems like this though and i cant seem to find what sets your poem apart from the rest. I like the flow and the intensity of it. But i didn't particularly like the imagery. It kind of made me a little depressed. Apart from that I liked it. It was a nice read. And it was hard to find grammar mistakes.

Keep Writing, Anger.

Thank you so much for your comments.
Thank you 'AngerManagement' for your comment, that has really inspired me to continue writing more dark poems.
Dark poems are my speciality. Oh and I'm sorry if this poem made you feel a little depressed - that wasn't my intention.

Hey! I like it. I loooooveed the description of the hair and skin. Man, I wish you used more of a description though! That would be so awesome!!! Keep it up! That was cool. Welcome to yws!!! If you need me to eview your work, msg me!

Thanks so much for the comment 'EdgarAllenPoe' and for the warm welcome.

I like the discease idea (BUT) I can't tell what your talking about. Other than that, not too shabby.

Thanks for the comment 'White Rabbit' i was writing about a person i really liked and how when we aren't together i feel really sad, in a 'hell unknown' and i try to break free by opening the 'coffin door' but i can't, therefore i remain the 'monster' that i am. I mean i can understand how it can be confusing but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hey GagaBowie, CaptianRandom here.
i was confused about this poem , i didn't really get the message or the point to what you have written, are you dead or something else is dead :S confusing.I really don't know what to say, I'm speechless to what you have written i cant comment anymore, its just... i don't know that's how speechless i am.

-CaptianRandom

Hey GagaBowie!

I don't quite understand this poem? You really need to be more clear. It is full of metaphors and odd descriptions that it is really hard to follow. It doesn't flow very well which is a concern as a bad flow usually means that words have been wrongly chosen, lines have been written too long and that punctuation hasn't been used well. After all this, I need to ask one question: how do you push a coffin door north? That is impossible unless the coffin was standing up underground.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)

I'm sorry if this poem seems confusing, to me it makes sense but i can understand how it can't at times.
The poem is essentially about when I'm apart from a person and i feel sad, alone, almost monster-like. I live in a coffin and try to escape this sorrow that I'm feeling but 'like a corpse in the Earth' there is little i can do. I hope this helps but if you're still confused, just enjoy the poem for what it is. Thanks for reading.

GagaBowie wrote:Like a rotting corpse in the Earth,
There is little I can do.
A vicious disease, it cleans me free of bone, tissue and hair.
Barely sustaining me.
There is no cure but prolonged love between us.
When distant, I fall back into a slump.
Utterly in a hell unknown.Get rid of utterly, it just doesn't go on that line
My skins peels, as my heart breaks.
I try to push the coffin door north, to release myself from such a confined space.
With no success, the coffin door shuts and I immerse myself in darkness once more.
I wish for no-one to see me, a monster, or a zombie possessed by a dead romance.
His palm on mine is only a dream.
A sheer vision or desire.
It won't ever happen and because of this, a monster such a myself will again be dead to the world.

Apart from that one word this poem was amazing and as you know I can relate to this poem 100% I loved it. I remember readig it in your little notebook and I can safely say I class you as one of my favourite poets ever. I really mean that