Stay

Hey everyone, I made this poem after I finished a math test, hope u like it.

Stay

What a day
Full of grief
What’s the point of living?
When it’s just brief
No one cares and that’s a fact
They always say “what’s that?”
But the sun is shining and your friends are around
So don’t worry, just stay on the ground
Don’t go of in your own world
Because this one is perfectly curled.

Hey Will. I thought that this, let's just say, wasn't a bad poem. It had a good flow in it, but you seemed too reliant on the rhyming. The rhyming seems forced and that takes away from the impact your poem had. You don't need rhyming in a poem.

The other thing is that in your second last line, you said, 'Don’t go of in your own world' I think you meant 'Don't go off in you own world'. Be careful with that. Two different words. But other than that, I think it could have been a good poem.

Hey there, matio! Just a few things!
1. No biggie, but you put 'of' instead of 'off'.
2. The amount of syllables in each line is a bit varied. Make sure when you're rhyming it has the same beat to it or it won't sound as good.
Well those were the only problems I had with it. You're well on the way to perfection.
Smashles

Hi there, Captian Random! ^_^

CaptianRandom wrote:What a day I'd put a comma here.
Full of grief I'd either put a period or a semicolon here.
What’s the point of living?
When it’s just brief I don't really get this. O.O
No one cares and that’s a fact Put a comma here. I like this line, by the way.
They always say “what’s that?” The W in "what's that" needs to be capitalized.
But the sun is shining and your friends are around Comma here.
So don’t worry, just stay on the ground Period here.
Don’t go of in your own world You said "of," but it's "off in your own world."
Because this one is perfectly curled. I don't like this as an ending. It didn't really fit and I had to go back and read it a few times.

Overall:

This wasn't terribly bad, but it wasn't wonderful, either. A key point you need to remember is punctuation, because you never really ended a line/sentence, so it went on and on and on. That's not good in this case. Even a poem needs punctuation, so I suggest you work on that.

Also, "this world is perfectly curled," was not a great way to end this poem, in my mind. Try experimenting with other endings.

Still, nice work.

-Mizz-

Hey Hi Hello! I didn't love this poem, but it was ok. I am not going to correct you on the word of and off because I think everyone else did lol. Other than that, the flow kinda was weird to me, but maybe it was just the way I read it. But overall not to bad

Hey Cap!

Let's just say that I didn't quite like this poem; it was all over the place. The flow was very jagged and the rhyming was very harsh and not needed. Like kingolions mentioned, the rhyming you used was very forced and really wasn't needed for the poem that you have written-some lines (I think most) didn't even rhyme therefore, there is no point of adding the concept of rhythm to it. It has the makings of a good poem but it is all over the place. Everyone has mentioned about the 'of-off' thing so please make that change.

My last points I MUST say is that the last line was, I am sorry to say it, terrible. What do you mean by curled? I have absolutely no idea what curled means in this line. Please change it ASAP. When you read a poem, there is a certain flow it has with it that this fails to come to. You're lines keep getting longer which show that there isn't a balance which makes the rhyming even more forced and harsh.

As usual, punctuation, grammar and spelling needs improving; I suggest that you look over at previous posts of your poems or at others.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)

For all those left confused after reading the last line, I am sorry but I couldn't think of anything else. Please submit any suggestions.

Hey Captian,

What a day
Full of griefThere is no punctuation here.

What’s the point of living?
When it’s just brief Depressing line. But it got me thinking.

No one cares and that’s a fact
They always say “what’s that?” What is that? Life? Living? Facts? Please elaborate.

But the sun is shining and your friends are around
So don’t worry, just stay on the ground I like this. I promise to stay on the ground

Don’t go of in your own world
Because this one is perfectly curled.Curled? Like curling irons? Do you mean Cruel?

There were some missing bits where punctuations should have been. The rhyming kind of killed the poem. The end was weird..

Anger~