A Prayer at the Window

A Prayer at the Window

I pray at the window
with the breeze against my face (soft)
because I need you tonight (ache)

I am lost (hurt)
I need your sign (flash)
I need your light (bright)
I need you to guide me

My fingers are laced together (warm)
my eyes closed (dark)
my face to the sky (cool)
I need you tonight

I whisper, my voice
carrying off on the winds (gentle)
Taken up to you (float)
To receive and to listen (take)

I need you to guide me tonight

I personally would have not put the parentheses there but I think they were okay, here. Maybe it you shouldn't put so many of them but then again I don't know how you can take anything out. The only thing I really didn't really care for were these four lines:

because I need you tonight (ache)

I need you to guide me

To receive and to listen (take)

and

I need you to guide me tonight

They were too cliche. You could have used these lines to incooperate some imagery or something.

Well, this is a very good poem, at first. It was well organized and probably more artistic then anything I've ever written. But, while the words in the parentheses were creative, they were awkwardly placed and didn't exactly add to the feeling of the poem. I'd suggest more fluid words to put in the parentheses next time, but that's just my personal opinion.

The only line I didn't really like was the "I need you tonight (ache)" because it's, well...cliche (as if everything that's worth saying isn't) and because the very next line is "I am lost (hurt)". It feels like you say the same thing twice, and there should be some way of...I don't know. Maybe I'm over-analyzing it.

With that said, I really like it; it build the feel and the place excellently, and I can feel the coolness of the night and see the moon reflecting off of a girl's face as she prays, tear in her eye. It's good.

At first glance, this is an awesome poem, but when you analyze it, you see that a lot of the lines are overdone and not original. I don't like how you added the words in parenthesis at the end. It kind of takes the feeling away. However, if this poem was a song, it's be beautiful.
Nice work.