them hearts, what are they?

I turned around and whispered:
I am bored of you
don't know if you heard it
but you looked into the ground and mumbled:
I still love you
and we collided in the oddest way
you cried, and I sighed
and then Elvis left the building
leaving only you and me
with traces of awkwardness
and anger
and boredom
and broken hearts
and love
and love
and love
taking you with me was the hardest thing
'cause I could hardly remember the feeling
and as you asked: where is my heart?
my breathing stopped
until I answered:
I took it and stepped on it and ate it
i heard the door slam, but never saw you leave

Hello, Mayasssi, I'm Jayleigh. Off I go...

I am bored of you

I still love you

Wouldn't these two lines have quotes around them, because they were being said.

don't know if you heard it

I think you should have an I at the beggining of this line. The choppyness takes away from the feeling of the poem.

and then Elvis left the building

I realize you just had this in here for humor, but I'd consider taking it out.

Those are the only nitpicky things I found.
Your repetition "and anger and ...etc" I think it's a bit much. Maybe it's just me. But there were to many things. Maybe sum them up into two or three really dramatic feelings. Other than that, I don't really have any other advice/suggestions/nitpicks. I liked the emotion behind the poem, but the narrator was a little harsh, huh?

-Jayleigh

I would consider making your lines all one equal length. When you make a list, the entire bunch could be made into two equal lines. I just think it would sound better! maybe its just me. I found it a little awkward, just because the colons. I don't think poems should have colons in them, they make the poem seem like a list. Maybe it is just my crazy self!
i am not good at reviewing poems, so forgive me if i am wrong.
I have to admit, i really like the idea of the poem, just if you could write it better in a less confusing way. I really like you title, don't change it! ha ha
~Classy

heyy As captin Classy said i would reccomend making all of you lines closer to equal legnth. I like the use of a colen in the first line, it was used very effictivly. The only thing i would change would be some of it is a little repeddative especaly the 'and love" line. Plus the other colens arent very effective in my view but other wise it looks very good and i liked it. Keep up the good work!!

-Graham Washburn

I like the poem. It's different. I didn't really understand it but that's because my friends were bothering me. I like that it has to do with love. To me it didn't flow well. I think people will like the poem and will help you improve on it.

Yea Kika.. Like we were bothering you that bad. The poem was amazing, I liked how you brought it from both angles and views. Nice job

I liked the title. The incorrect grammar of the title was endearing. I hope you know, behavior like that with an actual girl will get you shanked by her girlfriends, but for poetic purposes it was... OK... I'm not very 'in' to love poems, but this one was passable.

thanks for all the comments and suggestions people! I will try to improve next time

art has many critics. Writing has more. why? because writing is an art form that is left to the imagination of the reader to picture what they are trying to say. that being said, alot of different fractured thoughts pop from the page that everyone tends to see. For me, your poem was a love hate quarrel of emotions. I'm not saying you poem was bad. it was amazing. Im understanding or trying to understand your own feelings and relate to what you were trying to say. I understand the feelings an i love your writing style. if u had a subscribe button, i'd push it everyday. It's just the fracture in my mind is what were you going through that made this style pop out of the heart and onto paper.