destiny

We cannot love each other,
although the warmth we have,
is unbearable it must be hidden.
We are taught to hate the other,
it’s the destiny of our religion.

Good idea............. but it seems that you have just put a random thought over here.

You should put in more effort next time and expand on your poem.

Now.........to tell what was really nice about this piece:

Nice portrayal of what influence medieval beliefs still have on a modern society today.

Narrow mindedness of the people of the paticular religion and how thats preventing two lovers from uniting.

Often marriage between two people of different religion is forbidden by the narrow minded parnets or elders of the community even in the 21st century.

Though......I still don't know, is it religion to blame or the people who have been blindly following it and have not understood it completely.

The poem seemed to indicate a rift between two major religions from what I gathered.

thankyou, it's just when I have my ideas, they always seem to be short, so my poems end up short. if you haven't already look at my other one waves, that is also short!

I understand that.If you experiment a little more with the idea, the poem will expand.Getting a clear idea is very important which in your case has happened very well, leading to good content.

Keep trying.

I liked this. It captured something I have personally had to face, and I appreciated how you expressed it.

We cannot love each other,

although the warmth we have (remove coma, put next to word unbearable)

is unbearable, it must be hidden.

We are taught to hate the other,

(Between these two lines is where you need to expand on the idea.)

it’s the destiny of our religion.

Thanks for sharing.

-M.

Hello Legend!

One does not have to write a lengthy poem to convey an extremely complicated matter. The poets are those who can say lots, in a few simple words. So the length of your poem is not a problem!
The trick is to create images, or carefully choose words that fit the poem by all means. For example in some cases, the word 'resplendent' is a better choice than 'pretty', and in some cases not. It depends what the context asks for. So if in your poem you happen to write the word love, pause for a moment and think, is there a word that could fit what I'm trying to say, better than the word 'love'. Sure, you'll have your message across, and the reader will understand, but in poetry word choice makes a huge difference.Good word choice, and expressive imagery is the epitome of poetry. What I find in your poem is that you used words that had to vast a meaning. They should be precise and deliberate. Let us really experience something in your poem. At this moment, quite frankly, the poem does not mean much to me. It does make me feel anything, does not stir up anything inside me; I cannot relate to it.

However, I do feel there is great potential in this poem. And I'm impressed by the fact that you did not have to ramble on and on about what you wanted. It's short, and simple, and you've got your message across.

Small nitpick:

is unbearable it must be hidden.

There should be a comma after unbearable.

That's about it. Good luck with your writing.

If you any questions feel free to PM me.
-Zehra

lovely poem, but needs a little bit more. Like something explaining about how the two that love each other are different, and are forced apart? A great start, I can sense this has great potiental

Hi, I really liked your poem. I clearly understood what you mean and it's completely true. It doesn't have the best flow but that's your choice. I like that you kept it short and sweet but maybe try to add some (just to see if it works) more things too it to get your point across and make it more affective. Personally I really loved it and I will look out for your future work.
Moonstar x