Those backstabbers

Hey!!!!

Okay, I don't mean to be harsh or anything, but this...

I HATE THEM.

... is the worst ending in the history of endings. I'm sorry, but this is possibly the worst way you can end a poem like this!!!! However, I think "and killed my final joy" would be a killer of an ending.

I was a tad bit confused on the last stanza though.

They betrayed me,

and killed my finial joy

What do you mean by final joy? Do you mean your final joy as in something that you loved? Or do you mean something like your last joy, as in all but your last bit of joy was left, and they killed it? Clarify, please.

In your first stanza, I thought that you used "false" and "fake" too much. Perhaps you could switch it with a synonym?

You had a few spelling mistakes. I think I covered them here.

Those fake smiles.

Those false voices.

Those innocent faces.

They ripped out my happiness,

and gorged them selves on my pain.

Those killing savages.

Those murderous creatures.

They pierced my heart,

and forced spears into my chest.

Those wicked beasts.

They invaded my mind and filled it with memories of the past,

and fears of the future.

They betrayed me,

and killed my [s]finial[/s] final joy.

Um, one more thing before I end this review. This stanza....

Those wicked beasts.

They invaded my mind and filled it with memories of the past,

and fears of the future.

How does this exactly fit in with your poem? It's one of your best parts, but it just stands out from your other stanzas.

All in all, this has potential. Try playing with different words and imageries.

Keep up the good work!

zOe :smt043

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