Rejection

Rejection is a sharp, merciless wound.
An infection that festers and runs red with blood and tears.
A place where there is no hope or light, just a soundless scream.
Pain, pain.
Pictures in the mind, fruitless wishing and yearns.
Rejection is a gleeful and uninvited guest that overstays its welcome.
All you want is for it to go, disappear.
Turn your face away.
Think of other things.
Pretending and smiling bright for the rest of the world.
All the while there is a story untold.
Rejection, rejection.
You look in its face, see that shame and secret smugness.
Rejection is a dull, hidden bruise.
Glowing purple, blue, green, yellow.
The light flickers and fades again.
Hope waits to knock.
Soon, soon, it will be let in.

Wow, i really enjoyed your imagery and use of diction.
Rejection is definitely something that everyone has (or will) experience at one time or another and having just been rejected, I completely understand where you're coming from, haha.
I like the development of ideas but a few of your sentences seem a bit...off (i.e. "...scret smugness"). I was also confused as to why you chose to portray rejection as "gleeful." I would try to focus on the tone you are using and the mood you are trying to create for the reader--it would make the poem a bit clearer and different.
Overall, good job and keep writing (:

Hello! I'm Hannah! I saw this on the front page and thought I'd drop by to offer some comments. ^_^

After reading it through once, I think that you have some good baby imagery popping up in here. It's not developed and only touched vaguely upon because you spend more time trying to get your message out literally, when I think this poem could be much more effective if you tried to tap into the emotion rather than spelling it out for the reader.

For example, when you say:

Rejection is a gleeful and uninvited guest that overstays its welcome.

All you want is for it to go, disappear.

Turn your face away.

Think of other things.

You start a good image, but then you finish it with explicit statements. Why not keep talking about the gleeful, uninvited guest and what he/she does to annoy you. Think of annoying things that will bring up that emotion in the reader from just reading about it, and they'll have that emotion and remember how it felt to be annoyed that rejection wouldn't go away.

You look in its face, see that shame and secret smugness.

Rejection is a dull, hidden bruise.

Glowing purple, blue, green, yellow.

The first line here is pretty good too, but why not speak of the expression again? In fact, what if this expression was on the face of the uninvited guest? What if the guest were the one that bruised you? Can you speak more about the bruise, bring about the emotions that come with it?

I think this poem needs a lot of work, but you have the base here, you just need to expand upon it and go a different way for it to be great. =]

PM me if you have questions or if you want anything else reviewed! <3

-Hannah-

Hey KJ ^^ Shina here ;P And I will be your reviewer today.

Okay, let's start with the beginning:

The first three lines are really inviting. They make the reader want to press on. The metaphor is understandable, and it's a relatable topic. After the first 3 lines is where it get tricky. The repetition of words for emphasis and where it says "rejection is a gleeful and uninvited guest that overstays its welcome" weren't my favorite parts. Try shortening that part or using a different metaphor. It sounds a bit too forced for me and it ruins the whole flow.

Overall, the imagery and the metaphors are pretty good. The imagery was also good, but you need to expand this piece. You need to stretch out your feelings to the reader more because I just wasn't feeling it. Though you described rejection as a "sharp, merciliess wound", I couldn't feel it. There was no pierce to the heart or anything It is a bit vague, but that could be the style you're aiming for. I think you're going for saying a lot in a little words.

Good work ^^ Keep writing!

-Shina

I really like this poem, it's very down to earth so to speak.

Ah, KJ, my best friend for life, I know where the inspiration came from for this and I apologize for not being more of a comfort. I should have realized it hurt you more than I took the time to notice. I'm sorry for not being a better friend here

I must say, experience does bring beauty. If you wouldn't have taken this first hand and from the heart, it would have been a dull, meaningless piece. But this did come from within and I can feel that hurt and that rejection.

Very well said. I think it was wonderful. I completely understand about the "gleefulness" of rejection and the purple and green bruises. I love this piece just the way it is.

Keep on writing girl!

**And to answer the question you left on one of my pieces, I think when the weather warms up we should totally hit the beach! I've written another chapter but I'm not sure on it. I'll have to wait and have you read it