Skyfall

Its quiet.
A soft stillness illuminated by a wafting blue light surrounds me as I lay in a field of flowering dreams.
Its beautiful.
I'm not alone, in fact there are thousands all around me, and even more arriving with every creeping second.
Its Restful.
They all lie as I do, coming to a rest and gazing towards the glowing aqua sky.
Its cosmic.
I feel a hand groping around in the moist grass, hidden by both the dim lighting and the lenghtening blades.
Its rough.
I grip it and clench my hand tightly, reassuring them that someone is with them.
Its saddening.
The other hand becomes stiff, cold, like it has just turned to stone.
Its confusing.
Others raise their heads to see some strange sight that I cannot see, my eyes still locked on a single swirling star.
Its enchanting.
I finally muster enough strength to sit up and see what the others do, and I look into the skeletal face of death.
Its horrific.
His grin is wide, almost joyous, and holds none of the malice that is attributed to his visage.
It is comforting.
He picks me up and leads me like a gentleman leads a fair lady to a dance, higher and higher into the light, above the ocean of blue haze.
It is amazing.
Soon I too am in the cosmos I had just wondered at, and I feel myself becoming filled with a warmth I had never felt before, Death smiling upon me the entire time.
It is Beautiful.
Soon, I am another blazing star in the sky, for all to look upon and wonder at, for all to dream to be and consider great.
It is Quiet.
And it is peace.

Hey there Eraqio! June here!


Your poems are so impressive! They have a sweetness to them that I can't actually define.

* * *

Its quiet.

• I really like how you've started with this short statement, and continue to simplistically inform us about the beauty of nature throughout this poem. It's given a beautiful touch to this.

• An apostrophe is needed; the proper contraction for it is, is "It's".

* * * * *

• The combination of short and long lines is making this poem flow delicately. It reads perfectly aloud without stumbling. Perhaps it's because the subject is nature, this poem flows so freely and naturally.

• I like the metaphorical description of death, and the imagery that dances around it. It comes about peacefully and continues that way-- never once showing any pain that the narrator suffers.

• Your ending is beautiful. I like the simple wording of it; had you tried to be anymore flowery with it, I'm sure it would have ruined it.


Keep it up, my friend. Gold star; 'twas such a refreshing read.

Brilliant.

June

So! This is rather beautiuful. You bring the entire poem together at the end, and your balance of short and long lines is actually not as irritating as I first thought! In fact, it's wonderful!

So, my only suggestions are to change all of the 'Its....' to 'It is....', like you have in the very last sentence. It seems more formal, and it seems to fit the tone of the poem better. And you capitalize onyl a couple of the adjectives in the short sentences, like 'Restful' and 'Quiet'. You should probably remain consistant and make those lowercase.

Otherwise, this piece has such a fragile, delicate balance going on that I'm afriad to mess with it too much. So, I'll just leave you with these nitpicks and get to the heart of the matter!

Death is a commonly used entity, but I think you pulled off what can easily turned cliched and managed to keep it smooth and original. You keep us suspensed enough to finish the poem, but still inform us eventually to what's going on. This is good!

I'm not alone, in fact there are thousands all around me, and even more arriving with every creeping second.

I think you should rewrite this as follows:

I'm not alone; in fact, there are thousands all around me, even more arriving with....

It seems more grammatically correct, don't you think?

Hope this was helpful! Wonderful job!

~Evi

Hi! I'm a review this now, 'kay?
This was so beautifully written. And I'm listening to Blue October (a band that most people I ask have not heard of), and the song combined with this poem put tears in my eyes.
It's always so great when a poem actually makes you feel; when it pricks you in that soft spot and gives you just the right amount of emotion. It's wonderful. It's your poem.
I didn't see anything wrong with this, except every time you say "Its" it should be i-t-apostrophe-s. As in, it is. The way you have it now, it's the posessive form.
This is brilliant. You are brilliant. Gold star.

This is a very soulful poem, and I love it.
There isn't much to complain about.
Actually, I haven't seen a poem like this in awhile.
The feel is beautiful, and your use of adjectives are really astonishing.
I'm not sure what else to say other then good job.

I've not been on YWS in a while, so my review's probably not going to be good anyway, let us first deal with the actual poem, then I'll go onto my points.

Its quiet.

I'm going to nit-pick because your poem is so fantastic that there's nothing else constructive that I can do! It's should have an apostrophe, unless you're talking about an object and you're telling us that it possesses quiet, that was a bit confusing, but I reckon you mean it's.

A soft stillness illuminated by a wafting blue light surrounds me as I lay in a field of flowering dreams.

I love this line quite beautiful. I adore the use of the word 'flowering' as it is set in a field, we imagine flowers to be in the field, at the same time dreams flow and blossom, as they do. Quite simply lovely.

Its beautiful.

Just another one of those slight errors, its should be it's, in the abbreviated form as opposed to the possesive.

I'm not alone, in fact there are thousands all around me, and even more arriving with every creeping second.

I really like this.

Its Restful.

it's.

They all lie as I do, coming to a rest and gazing towards the glowing aqua sky.

The line itself is quite simply marvellous, as is the rest of the poem, but I don't think aqua is quite the right word here, it sets about me an air of 'fake beauty' as I like to call it, that sort of plastic blonde hair, crystal blue eyes description. Aqua is a bit too... hard to explain, but I think you could choose a better colour. When looking for colours what I find easy and fun to do is to use crayola crayons and paint scales.

Its cosmic.

it's, your grammar is otherwise pretty good.

I feel a hand groping around in the moist grass, hidden by both the dim lighting and the lenghtening blades.

lengthening not lenghtening.

Its rough.

it's

I grip it and clench my hand tightly, reassuring them that someone is with them.

Its saddening.

it's

The other hand becomes stiff, cold, like it has just turned to stone.

Its confusing.

it's again

Others raise their heads to see some strange sight that I cannot see, my eyes still locked on a single swirling star.

I adore, adore, adore the description here, I love it so much. xD

Its enchanting.

it's.

I finally muster enough strength to sit up and see what the others do, and I look into the skeletal face of death.

I love how the tone changes, to one quite opposing.

Its horrific.

It's

His grin is wide, almost joyous, and holds none of the malice that is attributed to his visage.

Love this line and I like how the sentence is a bit more formal than the rest, just be careful you don't go too far.

It is comforting.

Why does it suddenly change from it's to it is? Is this deliberate? I think it is, and I think it works

He picks me up and leads me like a gentleman leads a fair lady to a dance, higher and higher into the light, above the ocean of blue haze.

It is amazing.

Soon I too am in the cosmos I had just wondered at, and I feel myself becoming filled with a warmth I had never felt before, Death smiling upon me the entire time.

It is Beautiful.

Soon, I am another blazing star in the sky, for all to look upon and wonder at, for all to dream to be and consider great.

This is perhaps my favourite line in the whole poem

It is Quiet.

And it is peace.

I love how you repeat the start, but I'm not too fond of your use of peace, I think it'd sound better as peaceful.

Okay, I really loved this poem, it carries a beauty that is rather hard to explain. It really makes you feel, and I adore poems that do that, after all is not that the point of poetry? To make us feel an emotion, whether it be joy or sadness, anger or excitement. You certainly do that. Well done.
~Kirsten
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