About Abortion

ABOUT ABORTION

Abortion stops my beating heart
don't be cold, let my life start.

please tell me what I did wrong,
to explain why I don't get to live long.

you have a very tough decision,
do you want me dead, or want me livin'?


how could you not even, look into my eyes,
then,just like that, let me die?

tell me what I did to you,
to make you do the things you do?

Abortion is wrong, don't you see?
please Mom, don't hurt me.

give me a chance, 'cuz, I'm still your kid,
and in the end, you'll regret what you did.

Hey there Lexi! I'm June, and I am going to briefly review this for you .

Before I begin, I want to point out that YWS has a rule . You must review at least two things by someone else before posting one of your own. Please, review at least two pieces to make up for this, thanks . Let's get on to business.


I like the rhyme scheme you have here . It's made of slant and full rhymes, and doesn't ever fail in the least . You did a really good job with that, and, you have correct punctuation throughout the poem.

Quick note! Remember to capitalize the first word at the beginning of your lines, and if you don't want to capitalize them all, at least capitalize the first letter of a new couplet. That gives the poem an easier, quicker read, because the reader's eyes needn't stumble over unnecessary typos .

There's not much to change here-- it's written very well in my opinion. I can totally see this poem being used effectively in a debate. Abortion is one of those debate topics that just can't be settled. In some cases it should be allowed; in others it shouldn't.


Your point/message came across very clear. You didn't bombard us with too many unnecessary details as people often do in poetry . Brilliant job with that.


Good job, Lexi, and welcome to YWS! Nice to meet you!

June

Hey Lexi! And welcome to YWS!

Well, June's summed up the 2:1 ratio rule, and she nicked my nitpick about capitalization *glares at June* lol

One little thing:

to explain why I don't get to live long.

Maybe try rephrasing this like "to explain why I don't live for long", personally I think it would make it flow a little better, the line just sounded a bit awkward that's all.

But I have to agree, it is very well written and quite a unique point of view I might add Favourie part of the poem:

give me a chance, 'cuz, I'm still your kid,

and in the end, you'll regret what you did.

Happy-go-lucky XD

I really like the message you are trying to send us.
(I am SO anti-abortion!)
But the way the poem flows, it just doesn't seem right.
It feels like you're trying to get so much emotion out at once, you get barely any out at all.
I kind of feel like this poem was, um, forced upon me. (Does that make any sense?)
I say you need to work on your imagery, rhyming, flow, and your choice of words.
Though if you do ever rewrite this poem, I say you keep stanza six, "Abortion is wrong, don't you see? Please Mom, don't hurt me."
That was my favorite part and it almost made me tear up a little bit.

Keep on writing!