I care

He whispered in her hair
Like an angel in the air
Fully conscious of the events that led
His thoughts fused in her head

Caught up in the moment
Not caring about the torment
Her heart suddenly vigilant
She wants to say ‘no’ but can’t

Focused on the now of today
Consequences that could hurt and may
Doubled over, she cried
Knowing that he had only lied

As she touches her belly, she dreams
She is not alone it seems
Like an angel in the air
She whispers, ‘I care’

This is good, really good!
It's short but full of so much feeling!
My favorite line

Doubled over, she cried

Knowing that he had only lied

So true they lie to get what they want then move along like
they have no feeling like its normal...
Sorry I'm all babbling lol
but I do like it!

jasmine12 wrote:He whispered in her hair
Like an angel in the air
Fully conscious of the events that led
His thoughts fused in her head

Caught up in the moment
Not caring about the torment
Her heart suddenly vigilant
She wants to say ‘no’ but can’t

This stanza is amazing. It explains everything perfectly without using very many details

Focused on the now of today

If you want you can put "Focused on the PRESENCE of today
Consequences that could hurt and may

Doubled over, she cried
Knowing that he had only lied

Good use of words here. I like how cried and lied work perfectly together here.

As she touches her belly, she dreams
She is not alone it seems
Like an angel in the air
She whispers, ‘I care’

This is the perfect way to end the poem. It makes the reader think.

Good Job! Great poem!

This poem was beautiful. It really made me think and more than anything feel.
It would be great if you could draw on this idea and perhaps create something a little longer...? It seems like you could write something big and brilliant with this sort of topic

Trashytoni- I'm glad you think so. I don't believe I will continue on this topic. It was more of a one time thing. But, thanks anyway.

Smileforever- Glad you liked it. I like that line the way it is because it seems less formal in a way and the "her/she" being talked about here is just an average day person. Thanks for reading.

*~DesTinEE~*- That is my favorite line as well. I'm glad you think so too. It is very true, they do lie to get what they want. ha. Thanks for reading.