Best friend

Best Friend


What does it take to realize you have a best friend?’
That’s when I think about her.
I think I know what a best friend is.
She is someone who won’t pretend that she doesn’t know you,
or someone who doesn’t give a shit what you look like,
someone who cries because your crying,
someone who laughs when you are mad,
Smiles because you are weird,
Doesn’t judge you if you are wrong,
and last but not least...
Cares more about you then those other people known as
just plain friends.
Yeah, I think I know what a best friend is.
It’s her.

I like this, it's like a poem to best friends. It's very true, nice avatar by the way ^_^ but anyways I think it should be a little longer, the ending really didn't suprise me, and it wasn't that strong. Why is it her? How did you meet? Whats the bigger picture. Best of luck and keep writing.

-Max

P.S. PM me if you have any questions.

Hmmm...
I believe that this isn't much of a poem. You should try:
1) Adding a better structure and stanzas.
2) Using metaphors, similes, the five (or maybe even six?) senses.
3) Adding more emotion and a stronger/better ending.

She is someone who won’t pretend that she doesn’t know you,
or someone who doesn’t give a shit what you look like,
someone who cries because your crying,
someone who laughs when you are mad,
Smiles because you are weird,
Doesn’t judge you if you are wrong,
and last but not least...
Cares more about you then those other people known as
just plain friends.

The best part. This has a lot of potential. I think you should try some of the things I listed before... it would make this a whole lot better.

And one more thing, I suggest removing 'just plain friends' and adding a better word or phrase. Also, try to describe it in more detail. What makes a plain friend? How many of them do you have? You know, elaborate.

As I said before, this has lots of potential. Shall I look at this again in the future?

Agreed.

This poem does have potential, but it's lacking somewhat. It doesn't have any real emotional depth. Instead of finding subtler ways to express your speaker's feelings, you resort to blandly stating them:

"She is someone who won’t pretend that she doesn’t know you,
or someone who doesn’t give a shit what you look like..."

Your use of stative verbs ("She is") is a common feature of telling. Use more images! Poetry is meant to be poetic. An improvement on the two lines above might be:

"She will open up your frustrated heart;
she will turn a blind eye to the
beastly face that hides away happiness."

Something like that. Images allow readers to find an emotional connection to what you're saying. As a result, your poetry will become much more fluent and enjoyable to read.

You could also do with improving your punctuation. Either capitalise the first letter of every line or don't.

But like I said, this has serious potential. Don't throw it away! A bit of fine tuning will really make this piece shine.

Good luck!

Gahks



(At the moment, this is a 3/10 from me. With some effort, you can easily bump this up to a 7! I know you can do it!)

Hello, kinzygirl!

someone who cries because your crying,

someone who laughs when you are mad,

It should be "because you're crying". What's with the second line? Laughing when someone else is mad doesn't sound very friendly to me... What do you mean by this?

Cares more about you then those other people known as

just plain friends.

I don't know why, but I didn't really like this part. I believe it's because "the plain friends" thing. It's so... empty, somehow. Sure, I can see what you mean and all, but I just don't think it's very poetic.

This could be a great thing to write in a Valentines' Day card, but to be a real poem it's lacking something. Emotion, maybe? I agree with the other reviewers. This has potential, but it isn't yet the Wow poem that makes you earn a gold star. Try those Max's tips, I think they could really help.

See you around!

Demeter xx

I did like this poem. But maybe you could try to have some stanzas instead of every line being on it's own.

And some figurative language would be nice. Like descriptions, similes, metaphors etc.

I agree with Demeter when you said "someone who laughs when you are mad,". What do you mean by this? When I am mad, I don't want my best friend to laugh at me.

The ending was nice, but it wasn't that strong. Maybe instead of just saying "it's her", you could try something like: "It's her. Shes the one that cries when I cry, and laughs when I am mad" or something like that.

But this was a great little poem, keep writing!!

Ellie.