Kite tails

I don't see the point,
In anything any more.
This echoless hole,
Opens up on every shore.

And I don't understand,
How you sell me your remedies.
When i just know every good thing,
Will turn into bad memories.

You tell me it will pass,
And cling on tighter to my hand.
But it's worse this time-
It's deeper sinking sand.

So why bother,
If I know I'm off the rails?
What's the use smiling,
Laughing, chasing kite tails?

This time I can't see an end,
You're blocking my hiding places.
So let me find my own way out
Of these darkening, empty spaces.

Eimear wrote:I don't see the point,
In anything any more.
This echoless hole,
Opens up on every shore.

And I don't understand,
How you sell me your remedies.
When i just know every good thing,
Will turn into bad memories.

You tell me it will pass,
And cling on tighter to my hand.
But it's worse this time-
It's a deeper sinking sand.

So why bother,
If I know I'm off the rails?
What's the use in smiling,
Laughing, chasing kite tails?

This time I can't see an end,
You're blocking my hiding places.
So let me find my own way out
Of these darkening, empty spaces.

1) awkward diction, 2)capitalize

As one who only recently emerged from a second relapse--now healthy, so I don't feel like I'm asking for pity--I must say I was hoping for more. It's got the usual "I have a black hole of depression that is a void in my soul" thing going on, which I expected, but I must say it's a little dry. I think it's either the forced rhyming or the inability to step outside the box. Don't be afraid to use words that make you cringe. Depression is a heart-snatching, demon, it is a monster that eats my raw flesh. I hate it. You obviously hate it. Delve deeper into your emotions.

It's not a bad poem. A little work, and you might just have it!

Medusa.

Wow. Thats all I have to say. Well, almost. This is some pretty deep stuff. it makes a person wonder what it is like for someone like this to live. it gives new outlooks in other peoples lifestyles. I don't really have any criticism for you though, except that you could try and do a little bit more with the kite thing. It kind of caught me off guard to see it in the middle of something else. keep writing!

Fisrt stanza, and the first line. I'm already thinking, "Why do I care?" Depressing poems start like this waaaay too often and it makes people not want to read on. No one want's to read a "boohoo, woe is me" poem unless it's going to mean something to them too.

Capitalize your "I"'s!!! That's basic spelling! You're not e.e. cummings. (Second stanza, third line.)

remedies/memories... eh. Your rhyming is forced. If you can't rhyme naturally or can't write a rhyming poem without forcing it, then don't rhyme!! All poetry does not have to rhyme!

Your content is very scattered. Again, I think your thinking is shifting too much in order to fit in the rhyme scheme. I'd say scrap this. The idea is overdone, and this just isn't going to cut it. Keep writing though!

~Yoyo

It's pretty good. I'm with everyone else, it needs some work. But all in all, it was okay. Best of luck!