Finding myself.

I sat there on the edge of my bed
Pondering to myself...I felt like I were dead.

There I sat.
Sat.
Thinking of how it must be.

Sitting there thinking.
Of what?

I didn't quite know,
exactly what was happening,

All I did was sit and think,
Who am I,
What is this?

Finding myself,
is a major task.

If you were to find yourself,
Who would you ask?

I sat there on the edge of my bed (bad form, this is narrative)
Pondering to myself...I felt like I were dead. (Doesn't flow)

There I sat.
Sat. (Doesn't work)
Thinking of how it must be. (lame repetition)

Sitting there thinking. (again)
Of what? (again)

I didn't quite know,
exactly what was happening, (forget it... see below)

All I did was sit and think,
Who am I,
What is this?

Finding myself,
is a major task.

If you were to find yourself,
Who would you ask?

Alright... this was well... bad. It doesn't flow, it doesn't have a point and worst of all, you have no idea of what you want to do and go with this poem. You repeat this thinking bit and never do anything, and never say anything either. Its not even coherent thinking, its just text.

I just made it up.
It is as well as trash any who.

Kenpachi Masamune wrote:I sat there on the edge of my bed (bad form, this is narrative)
Pondering to myself...I felt like I were dead. (Doesn't flow)

There I sat.
Sat. (Doesn't work)
Thinking of how it must be. (lame repetition)

Sitting there thinking. (again)
Of what? (again)

I didn't quite know,
exactly what was happening, (forget it... see below)

All I did was sit and think,
Who am I,
What is this?

Finding myself,
is a major task.

If you were to find yourself,
Who would you ask?

Alright... this was well... bad. It doesn't flow, it doesn't have a point and worst of all, you have no idea of what you want to do and go with this poem. You repeat this thinking bit and never do anything, and never say anything either. Its not even coherent thinking, its just text.

I totally agree with this statement. The poem needs major work. Good luck!

I second KM. This seems more like something you would write in a journal, maybe to warm up your pen/fingers before you get going with the decent poems. Just for future reference, if you truly believe it's "trash", don't post it on here. Keep writing! I'd be happy to read something you put more thought into.

Its ok, but if you think it is trash than why post it?

Wow. I did not know I could speak so well. O.o;

Though I have a feeling a lot of the stuff on YWS from the more serious people is 'trash' by comparison. The whole publishing issue being one for a few people I know. YWS is more like a fun, short and sweet hanging-out place rather then your year-long project. Snoink did a book, but you don't see it on YWS. It may sound harsh, but for most of us I really doubt we care enough about putting a career into publishing to do anything like that.

Just for the record, I called my story on here trash, because it was a Nano byproduct and not something I cherish and put a ton of work into, but people still enjoy it. So I continue to write. Its one of those things that feeds and grows on itself.

The poem was..okay. To say at least. I didn't quite get some parts.

SIC wrote:I sat there on the edge of my bed
Pondering to myself...I felt like I were dead.

There I sat.
Sat. what's this for?
Thinking of how it must be.

Sitting there thinking.
Of what?

I didn't quite know,
exactly what was happening,

All I did was sit and think,
Who am I,
What is this?

Finding myself, change this. challenge the reader
is a major task.

If you were to find yourself, please change this too to challenge reader
Who would you ask?

Good luck! Keep writing!