Turning coffee into Wine

My quantum coffee cup
Is dry, barren like
My soul this Sunday morning
I looked picturesque
sliding the styrofoam
down the asphalt drive
I figured it was over –
Before I got too deep in
Better that I kept a boy,
Not a dream,
By my side

Ears open to the preacher
He called me a nonbeliever
People who won’t find Jesus
Since they never try
Salvation’s for those searching it
But leaving cold pews behind
I felt no need to go
Café-searching after you

You were there, though
I thought nothing of it, stubborn
I’ll claim the winter’s melted
And the springtime’s now abloom
Love doesn't need me –
What could it do but burn
my tongue on fantasies?

Polite, we idle chat in lazy garden air
Sipping fruits of earth
Watching daylilies and children
You in your slimming figure
I in plaid and baseball caps
We’re left useless –
Our passion evaporated
Gone

“I can climb this church.”

In thirty second and whimsical note,
I take two sugar pills
And the next thing I know
Is that you’re standing by a steeple
Wind whipping my heart strings
And I realize you aren’t flavor set
Because here we are –
Whispering telemarketers
Over all your symphonies
Intellectual, a touch of spice
A cider, a sweet first wine
First love, a sweep from my feet
And I gaze at you, a wine glass
Stemmed and glinting in noonday light
As you whisper in front of God’s house,
White walls in raring stare
“I will marry you one day.”

My breath is gone
And parsley’s on my Spanish tongue
(and my commitment to him)
So we can finally dine on him tonight
We’ll toast you with a sloshing passion
A bet-it-all that you won’t hit the floor
We’ll illusion this afternoon
Though we’re still below the drinking age
This weakened sweet-tooth must surrender
To the winds above the chapel
To the white chocolate piano stairs,
To the river music quiet
Just one sip of you
And I’m drunk…
14 naïve years old

I thought this poem was very discriptive and the imagery was very good.
But I wasn't really sure what you were trying to say in this poem but that's probably just me.

anyway I like these lines:

"To the white chocolate piano stairs"

"Wind whipping my heart strings"

and I really didn't find anything really wrong with this poem, and I definetly felt a lot of emotion going through this when I read it.

Overall, I think this was very well written, and the imagery was perfect.

I knew it was your work by the title...
I don't know what else to say... all the praise everybody else will give you is ten fold of what I could ever say.
Nice job. *Cries* *runs out of the room*

Ahck, I have nothing helpful to say at all. My poetry critiquing skills have regressed abysmally. But let me tell you=this was brilliant. I wouldn't change a thing. You should be very proud of yourself, and your poetry, because its excellent. I especially liked the second stanza, 'twas excellent. Also, the italicized bit, particularly since it was both figurative and literal. I still wish I could say something that helped, instead of gushing.

Love doesn't need me –
What could it do but burn
my tongue on fantasies?

marvy fab. never change it.

Intellectual, a touch of spice
A cider, a sweet first wine
First love, a sweep from my feet
And I gaze at you, a wine glass

How could you be fourteen? HOW COULD YOU?!?!?! Do you know what I was writing when I was fourteen?

Roses are red
at least that's what I think
'course the one I got yesterday
was more like light pink...

It went on from there. In other words....GEEZ. The thing about this poem (yours, not mine) is that the rhythm is so perfect, you'd think it WAS rhyming, even though it doesn't. It flows so beautifully...

To the river music quiet
Just one sip of you
And I’m drunk…
14 naïve years old

Me feelings for this are mixed. The first sentence=gorgous. The next two=questionatly cliche and over used. Questionably, like I said, it works for this due to your title and previously used imagery. And I'm not sure if I like the last sentence at all. But if it suits your purposes, WHOO!

Lol. Anyway I hope that was at least vaguely helpful. If anything it should give you an ego boost. As ever, I remain a dedicated fan of your works

lotsa love
~misty

This was gorgeous. Everything about it was enjoyable...if I could change anything, though, I would change the last line. Because, when you are 24, you could still feel the same way...this poem is more universal than specific to a 14-year-old. We're all naive to a certain extent, and always will be.

brian

There was really some fantastic language in there. A lot of it. Yet I had difficulty reading it...in lots of ways, it dragged as I read it. Use that data as you will. Thanks for the parts I loved, they really were quite plentiful.

Ok...so there's this coffee, Christianity, and a boy. I just don't understand their significance. Is this poem comparing the coffee to the boy? Do the narrator and the boy enjoy drinking coffee together? Is coffee the narrator's personal God? It almost seems like the boy is a caffeine/sugar pill induced hallucination?

I don't understand what this is about...yet there is something wonderful about it. It is very well written, but its flaw is not its vivid imagery or good vocabulary, but that these don't contribute well to the meaning of the poem. Perhaps better diction, removal of parts that don't contribute to the message, and in general just do things that will help the audience understand.

Never the less, I enjoyed reading this poem...it flows.