I must agree with timjim. The point is clear, yes, almost too blatantly clear. You have an idea here and if you want to write a poem about, you do that, but think it over more. Think of examples, phrases that could convey your message more creatively and piece them together. Then you will have a poem with a clear message, but not lacking in creativity. Have fun with this and keep writing.
It's cute, but very... plain, like straightforward. Poetry is more interest when it's less simple, and really mkes you think. This sounds almost liike a cheesy pop song, I think if you replaced some words, it might have potential.
so give me all your poison,
and give me all your pills,
if this is what you want then
FIRE AT WILL
That's just what translation is, I think. That's all speaking is. Listening to the other and trying to see past your own biases to glimpse what they're trying to say. Showing yourself to the world, and hoping someone else understands. — Ramy (Babel by R. F. Kuang)