Rude Awakening

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fire_of_dawn
Gender Female
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Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:54 pm
fire_of_dawn says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:54 pm
"Where's your uniform?" The hated phrase brought Spirit to wakefulness.

She eyed the impertinent trooper, long and hard. When he didn't flinch, she snarled in his face. "This one paid all of ten drakes for a room of her own. She suggests that you leave- now." He must've been a new recruit like herself, for he recoiled.

Then again, there was nothing quite like a tousle-furred, angry Khajiit.
"Do? I'll tell you what we'll do! We'll be ready!"
Matthias, from Redwall

"Life consists of doing the impossible."
Brother Fir, The Heir of Mistmantle
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IsItLove
Gender None specified
Points 981
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Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:26 pm
IsItLove says... · Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:26 pm
I think you are a brilliant writer; what you had was really interesting but, there was no story.

I think you need to add a lot more detail and a plot before you post. I understand if it is short but this was too short.

I would really like to read more of your work and hopefully you will add more to this. Don't forget to check out my literary work. Thank you!
Passion for writing make all the difference; it turns a good novel into a great one.
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Betheny
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Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:07 pm
Betheny says... · Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:07 pm
I was intrigued by this, unfortunately however, I have to agree with ItIsLove on the fact that it is way too short. I think that it would more as a quote for the blurb of a book. Do keep writting though because I think that you have great potential. The idea of a Khajiit, if it's what I think it is (a cat like humaniod, as seen in The Elder Scrolls Games), is very good although for someone who dosen't know what it is it may be confusing. I believe this story as a whole, once completed, will be a fantastic read.
"The world existed to be read. And I read it." - L.S Schwartz, Ruined by Reading
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You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling