A Supernatural parody

Hi here is a story I wrote about the tv show Supernatural. I was interested in the dynamics between the two main characters and so decided (for my own amusement) to write a story about Sam and Dean Winchester. Hope you enjoy and tell me what you think of it, any improvements etc. Thanks heaps! A.

Wow! I really loved that! Well I love anything supernatural so that may explain it...but that's not the point! You really made the characters how I expected them to be and totally added the two brothers humor that I adore! I'm really excited for this! Keep writing and tell me every time you post a new one! Haha keep me updated!

) and foreboding dark forest that wrapped around the periphery of the town like a finger

this phrase should be changed, maybe to

and theforeboding dark forest that wrapped around the periphery of the town like a finger

or

and foreboding dark forests that wrapped around the periphery of the town like a finger

Dean stared over questioningly before turning his gaze back to the winding road ahead, and clenched his jaw. “Uh.”

Why did he say that?

Dean was letting his anger flow freely now, his teeth biting off each word in derisive chunks.

He's really getting moe nagry than necessary- Dean's pretty chill, especially since this seems to be set in an earlier setting than the current tension on the show.

Overall, this is interesting- keep me updated as it continues! However, I would lay back a bit on the intense detail, it's a bit over the top. I remember once being told the same thing about my story- the uber details get good marks with teachers, but really aren't that necessary. Let me know when the next part is up!

Thanks guys for your comments! Yeah I have that problem too when I can add just a little too much detail - something i definitely need to work on And you're right about Dean needing to be more laid back in that section. I'll change what I can from everyones critique - and thanks again