Monty Python:After the Grail

The rotund lord sat at his dinning table, waiting for his servants to come with his regal meal. They were terribly late and the only way he could keep his mind off of his hunger was to think of new laws for his subjects.
“Where are they,” he grumbled, “If I am not attended to soon, I shall have to punish them all.”
Fed up with waiting, the lord stood and went back to the kitchens. No one was there so he went out the exit. He found himself among his servants, who were all clamored around a man with no arms or legs in black armor. “I’m the Black Knight,” the stump man shouted.
“How can you be a knight if all your limbs ‘ave been chopped off?”
“How many times am I going to have to say this,” the knight cried in fury, “It’s only a flesh wound!”
The lord stepped through the crowd of servants, anouncing himself grandly to the agitated knight,"I am the lord of this castle; what brings you to my door, disrupting my servants at their work waiting on me hand and foot?"
"I come here on behalf of King Arthur," the knight said regally, "He requires your assistance."
"Why," the lord shouted angrily, "Isn't it enough that I give him a share of my crops as well as taxes? Why should he need my help? And besides, wasn't he the one who cut your limbs off?"

Hey all you fellow writers out there, this is my first post so read, enly and criteque. it's short, i know but it was a prompt for my writers' club, so enjoy and send me your comments

that was purdy funny dude, i love that movie!!

I liked the movie better
and it would have been easier if you said MONTY PYTHON HOLY GRAIL PARODY it took me like 2 seconds to know it was that but... monty? i was like... what's monty?

Uh...

I don't get it.

This supposed to be a parody, but it doesn't really make fun of Monty Python at all. It seems to have the characteristics of a badly written story: poor language skills, no organization. Since the combination of the two determines how good a storyteller you are (along with other undefined traits), the conclusion becomes obvious.

I suggest you proof-read your piece again. Look for any spelling, grammatical, or word errors. You used rotund instead of round. While not technically a mis-spelled word, it isn't the right word. Proof-reading will help spot these errors.

Also, take the time to construct a plot outline. This isn't a story, but a bunch of paragraphs filled with details, that have been strung all over the place. By giving your story an outline, you can follow a plot, and thus create a story.

You've chosen a really difficult thing to write for. Snoink thinks that comedy is the hardest thing to write for, since it requires a high precision of grammar to communicate the timing to the reader.

I think you wrote this while you were very tired, get some rest and try again.

last mohican wrote:The rotund lord sat at his dinning table, waiting for his servants to come with his regal meal. They were terribly late and the only way he could keep his mind off of his hunger was to think of new laws for his subjects. He was planning on revising them so that disobedient peasants would have their heads bitten off by killer white rabbits named Tim. However such a thing was not yet widely embraced.
“Where are they,” he grumbled, “If I am not attended to soon, I shall have to get my helmet with the stag horns and say ‘Ni’ to them all. Maybe I can have them tried for witches as well; but where shall we find a duck?”
Fed up with waiting, the lord stood and went back to the kitchens. No one was there so he went out the exit. He found himself among his servants, who were all clamored around a man with no arms or legs in black armor. “I’m the Black Knight,” the stump man shouted.
“How can you be a knight if all your limbs ‘ave been chopped off?”
“How many times am I going to have to say this,” the knight cried in fury, “It’s only a flesh wound!”

Well, actually...it was pretty amusing. Very short, yes - but there was nothing fatally disordered in its grammar etc. The end was a bit surprising. It didn't seem to be the end.

But the rotund lord has the most brilliant mutterings and thoughts. ^_~ (I loved the - "...but where shall we find a duck?")

It seemed highly satiric to me...and that's difficult as Monty Python is parody and satire entirely itself. You've balanced it well between hopelessly overblown and too subtle to be noticed. It's right in between. Too many writers think they've got to hit you over the head with something funny - this is amusing because it nearly slips by and you sort of trip looking over your shoulder to see if you miss something.

All right. I'm typing much too long, and probably wandering...

But parody always has been terribly capricious, hasn't it? Or perhaps individual. ^_^''

I think the main problem with this is that you've taken all the best jokes from the movie, and then repeated them - only without the context, set-up or timing that the origionals had.

But hey, whatever, I've never really been a big fan of parodies, so maybe it's just my problem .

Thanks for all the constructive criticisms. I wrote this during a writer's club exercise so I know it isn't great. I'll continue to rework it and edit it on the site.

LOL! This was quite humorous

Lol, amusing to read... ^_~

I love Monty Python. I thought this piece of work would never come from them if they were all still alive. If you were trying to make fun of them, then you weren't doing a very good job of it.

I think you should, as a way to be able to improve this peice, watch some episodes of Monty Python's work. Or listen to it. Have you only seen their movies? If so, and you want to improve this peice, then you definetly want to watch some of their skits.

I love Monty Python and that's the only reason why I'm giving you advice on this piece. I would love to see it be improved and more like Monty Python's work.

...now I have the lumber jack song stuch in my head...

Keep in mind that I am not John Cleese, Michal Palin, Grahm Chapman, Terry Jones, or Terry Gilliam, just a fan and that this wasn't supposed to be the definative authoritative sequal to the movie, just a fanfic. It can't possibly be as good as the original.

I like it short and sweet
Too bad King Arthur is in Jail according to the end seeing how the producers drunk away all of their money so to end it they arrested everyone.

Um...what the bloody heck?

I love Monty Python!!

I realise that you're not the same as the greats, so this is really not bad. the Black Knight was difinitely my favourite part of the whole film.

None shall pass!

lol. This isn't bad, for something so short. So well done. I laughed, and that's the main thing, right?